Sometimes U Jus Have To Smile,

Pretend Everiting Is Okay,

Hold Back The Tears And Jus Walk Away...

meaningful aint it?well dats wat im best at.always pretending im okay.pretending to be happy.jus not to make people worried or sympathise me.i dun need sympathy.it still hurts.it always does.and it will always remains dat way cos...

The Only People Who Can Really Hurt U

Are The Ones Who Matters The Most...

yesterday was awesome...hahaha...realli had a great time wif him.watched movie wif shima darling n her boify.midnite meat train.i seriously dun understand the story lah.the ending so merepek seh.hahahaha.hmmm...after movie went to city plaza to join the gathering.didnt wanna go actualli but imp kept insisting dat we go even if its onli for a while.so yeahh...got no choice.

i told him the truth dat im trying my best to move on.and im trying my best to get over didi.he's soooo understanding.thank god.sweet isnt it???i jus hope i dun end up hurting him.he's very nice indeed.shima said dat too.jus hope dat everiting will work out.

till then...

was surfing thru the net den i came across dis baby photo...adorable arent they???sometimes i imagined myself having my own babies...settled down happily...den again at times wen i tink again...i can be happy even if im not married...i can have my own children without getting married thru adoption dat is.cos wen i tink again...i dun realli need a man in my life.i'll be jus fine having my mum and my children wif me...

i saw it wif my own eyes how my mum brought me n my bro up as a single parent.she worked two jobs to bring us up...even though she remarried but my step dad wasnt contributing much.see...wats the point of having man in ur life if ur carrying their responsibilities on ur shoulders.women now can do wat men can do.i saw wif my own eyes how in some families the wives are the bread winner n the husbands are lazing around at home.

u get wat im trying to say.so wats the point of getting married den???it is encouraged for men n women to get married to avoid 'maksiat'.but it is also said dat the men have be fully prepared to carry responsibilities which includes providing the basic necessities for his families.the men shud also be well knowledged in terms of religious knowledge sa dat he can guide his family to the rught path...

well i dunno...wats written here are the tings i see in my own perspectives.other ppl might have their own way of seeing dis whole ting.there's no right or wrong though...its very subjective and also a sensitive issue.

till then...

woke up at 0645 den shima said she dun feel like attending accounting class so i decided to come skool at 10.den around 0915 i feel so lazy wanna go skool so i change back to my t shirt n shorts n continue to sleep.kekekekekeke....woke up at 1640.went to wash up den ate my lunch....felt so lethargic today...dunno y.hmmm...maybe due to sleeping too much perhaps...

was looking thru my frenster and viewed thru feezah's profile.saw a comment from him to her.

was thinking of you today, as I often do. It seemed like the right time to let you know. I miss you and look forward to the time when I see your beautiful smiling face and hear your sweet lovely voice.love u baby..ur ma swity pie!!!

very swit of him eh...never had he been so swit like dat to me.haiz...she's very lucky.seriously.after all he is a sweet-talker but for him to say someting like dat is realli someting...

so yeahh...enuff bout dat...dis coming weekend my schedule will be like very packed.i'll be at the chalet probably on both fri n sat.den sat afternoon will be going to sentosa first b4 the chalet to celebrate a fren's b'dae.den mayb drop by at ace's pit b4 going to the chalet since its at changi also.not sure wether i'll be going to ace's pit or not.den sunday most probably spending time wif my mum.hehehehe...if not she'll say dat i dun spend time wif her.

so yeahh i guess dats about it.

i tried but i jus cant.
im jus missing u soooo badly dat its realli starting to hurt.
memories of the happy days kept flashing back on my mind.
it made me smiled for a while.
den came all the lies and cheatings.
i stopped smiling den i cried.

dats wen my life turned around.
u left me counting the steps dat u take.
im all alone and ur there wif someone else.
im tried keeping myself 2gether
but everiting's starting to fall apart.

i noe dat i shud've moved on but it jus aint dat easy.
im picking up all the shattered pieces dats left all by myself.
its difficult i noe.
but i have to overcome dis obstacles somehow
and hope one day i'll learn to love some new.

jus someting i wrote jus now.mayb it can turn out to be a song perhaps.anibody wanna volunteer to create a melody for it???hahaha...jus joking...till then...

been trying my very best to keep my spirits high...keep myself occupied wif werk and all other tings at home.so far so good...hahah...well i cant keep lying to myself of how much it still hurts but at least im not letting it drag me down.im realli tired...i jus wanna run away from all dis cos its jus never ending.

dyna's b'dae celebration was fun...hahaha...had a great time wif them...they are realli very nice ppl...especialli bear n yogi...hahaha...they r very funny...jus wanna thank them for sending me home dat time...THANKS A LOT EH!!!

let's see wats coming up...hmmm...accounting CA dis friday,den lau pa sat wif colleagues,FASTING MONTH!!!,EXAMS DEN HOLIDAYS!!!yay!so looking forward to holidays lor...hmmm...will keep updating more aite...till den...

its a friday...and i woke up to a msg which realli brings me to the lowest point in my life.was a msg from nik.
"hey gd morning,i tink we shud realli go on our separate ways n stop contacting each other since we couldnt startaniting.i wish u success in ur future n hope u do pray for my success too.im sorry dat all dis is too sudden for u but i've a careful tinkingn i tink it's best for us.pls do take care."
i accepted wat was written in the msg bravely.i didnt break down into tears.but i couldnt avoid the fact dat i wasnt good at losing people.especialli those whom i regarded as my pillar of strength.he was one of them.it took me quite a while before it could actualli bring me to the lowest point in my life.
seems dat the people i love leaves me one by one...it feels so demoralising and it makes me tink wat have i done dat i deserve to go thru all dis hell.u have no idea how hard i tried to prove to people dat im strong wen actualli im in such a vulnerable state.and wenever i tried making my way back to the top there's always someting dat keps pushing me back to the bottom.
i wanna run away.i wanna give up in everiting.i wanna be somewhere where there's no one who'll hurt me.i dun wanna struggle like dis animore.i dun wanna care about aniting but myself.i wanna go somewhere where all i have to tink about is me and no one else.

well i saw ur new pic wif her.glad to see dat ur happy.she is better den me aint she...she can tolerate tings dat i cant...wish u all the best wif her...2morrow's ur 4th yr anni..congrats aite...honestly seeing u happy realli makes me happy...im no longer hoping for u to come back to me animore.im readi to let u go.i'll move on.not looking to go into any r'ship ryte now.studies are my main concern.exams is in 1 months time and i realli need to work hard to achieve good grades.

there's 12 months in a year,

7 days a week,

60 minutes an hour,

but only one like u in a lifetime.