been bz with skool and werk...barely had time to spend wif dearest mummy...got so many catching ups to do in studies...im struggling in IAC and its like CA2 is coming...thankfully i kinda catch up...did my assignments...practiced...clarified my doubts wif my lecturer...so...i guess im gonna be fine...project is yet to be done...presentation is like in 1 or 2 wks time...oh god...im like seriously exhausted and i still need to go thru like 6-8 more wks of skool...plus not forgetting exams...i better buck up man...i've had more den enuff of slacking alreadi...well lets talk bout the super long weekends dat jus ended...hmmm...saturday was spent werking den sunday was out at ECP wif my frens...monday jus slack around wif ayu and i forgot wat i did on tuesday...noting interesting though...lets talk about myself now...hmmm...I'm tired of pretending to be fine...Im tired of smiling wen actualli all i wanna do is cry realli hard...I cant pretend to be ok wen actualli im tearing apart...mentally exhausted and down currently...and the only possible way to lift up my spirits is wen i actualli get to see u.even if it have to be from far...i noe i cant carry on like dis.im aware dat my behaviour is gonna ruin my life.BUT I CANT HELP FEELING DIS WAY!

i have to start attending my 8 am class more regularly...i have to stop being lazy...OMG!and i have to sleep early!!!aniwae...skool wise...hmmm...so far so good i guess.except for the part dat i've not been attending IAC regularly and the fact dat there's so many tings i have to catch up wif...IAC CA2 is coming soon...im sooooo DOOMED!LLA presentation is due after chinese new yr...haiz.

on the other hand,situation at work worsen.sunita is getting on my nerves lately...she's been asking wether or not im still interested in working there.WTF!!!i mean if im not interested den i wud have quit isnt it?i mean i dun like the way she asked me dat question.and it like she gets hurt easily.jus bcos i informed my colleague dat im on mc instead of informing her.she's being selfish and so unconsiderate towards others...why the hell would others wanna spare a thought for her ryte...JUS ONE MORE TIME IF SHE DARE TO PROVOKE ME I SWEAR IM GONNA QUIT AND I MAKE SURE SHE'LL REGRET IT!

i've been locking myself up at home.not going aniwhere.not becos i wanted to.im forcing myself to stay at home.basically becos skool alreadi started.i dun enjoy locking myself up u see.in fact i feel mentalli tortured.its like home is jus the last place i wanna be.i jus wanna go out.even if it means jus sitting at the void deck.i dun mind.no there's no war going on at home.everiting's fine.the problem is wif me.im fighting a war against my feelings.its been so difficult to control my emotions.i jus broke down into tears wen im alone.i miss u so much.if only u knew.i love u more den i ever tot i would.and it jus hurts even more to see u putting up wif ur ego.ur actions and ur words...i noe its not u.its ur fucking ego.wats the fucking point u apologised for hurting me too much???tell me?and why do u have to back off?why???why apologised and hurt again?i've been keeping everi single tings to myself for almost 1 yr now.my anger,my love,my jealousy,my sorrows...EVERITING!and u dont even seems to care!i've never wanted someting so badly the way i wanted u...someone said i deserve better...but it seems dat the better ones doesnt seems to come...

i was in skool wen suddenly i was reminded of my dad.kind of had a quick flashback of the times i spent wif him wen i was little.i remembered dat he ever dressed me in a boy's oufit.and moreover at dat time i always keep short hair for some reasons...he rarely buy me dresses.hahaha...den he wud carry me and let me sit on his shoulder.i miss those times.i dun have to tink bout aniting.all i do is to go to skool and study.i dun have to worry bout not having money to buy stuff,i dun need to tink bout going to work and tings like dat.dad always said dat going to skool is very important.so dat i will have a bright future and i wont end up like him.

oh dear...if only i can turn back time...i miss being small kids.i miss being carried and pampered by my dad.i miss my grandpa n grandma.i wished there's no such tings as death.cos death has taken away my loved ones.my dad,my grandpa and my grandma.i miss them so much.i wish i could run to them and cry as much as i could in their arms.

had to werk during christmas.it was ok lah...noting much happen...had to werk the next day also.knock off from werk around 10.head home to change den off to arab street for sheesha.which was the plan initialli...but the place was soooooo packed dat we end up drinking teh tarik...hahahah...it was fun though...lots of laughter and jokes being passed around...we decide to make a move from there cos its like almost 2am and the shop is gonna close soon...so we sat at kallang river...chatted till its 6+ den i decided to head home first cos its adli's b'dae party on dat saturday.was damn exhausted and mum is not letting me rest.the best ting is i spent 5 hours in the kitchen to make roti kirai.lots of familiar faces seen coming but i jus couldnt be bothered to even say hi to them.i was realli worn off.the party ended at around 10 i tink.cant remember.i havent even bought adli's present lah.omg...

den sunday was spent rotting at home.and im sick...had blocked nose and cough which is very irritating lor.wanted to get out from home for a while but no one was free.so i had no choice but to be stucked at home...

today was spent wif dear mummy...accompanied her to the doctor to make some surgery appointment.went to sportlink...bought a PINK nike slipper...hahahah.my mum nearly got a heart attack wen she saw the price...LOL.but at least she said its nice.*toodles*...from bedok we went to bugis.i bought 2 skirts and 2 dresses...heehee:)im one happy girl ya noe!so basically today is shopping day...if ur wondering why im spending soooo much its bcos firstly i've gotten my pay...and second ting is i GET BONUS LAH SEH!!!muahahahahah...though its not dat much...but i guess its enuff to fulfill some of my desires...heehee:)so ya...basically dats about it ah.will update more soon okies lovely people.i promise:)

movie date wif miza darls is changed to dinner date...cos miza finished late...the plan was to catch bedtime stories initialli...but its ok...dinner date is still fun wif her around...next time k dear...i realli enjoyed my time wif u...thanks for the company dear gf!!!before dinner wif miza was out wif sheena darls to tekka for threading...after threading we had late dinner at bugis macD.OMG!!!it was so packed!!!reason being its christmas eve.btw...MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERIONE...kk lame...so yeahh...jus hang around bugis while waiting for miza...

i've to admit dat all those hurt u've caused doesnt seemed to change my feelings for u.no matter how much u've hurt me,but still u treated me nicely wen im wif u.never once u shouted or be harsh to me...if i want i could've confronted u for everiting...im i prefer to keep it to myself...i noe wats going on...i chose to close both eyes...cos i've given so much for dis...and i wouldnt want it to go to waste and jus end like dat...if not now...mayb u'll realise one day...hopefulli...i've made up my mind...i'll wait till u come back.no matter how long...meanwhile i'll jus focus on my studies while ur away...

ok so 171208 was spent wif dear gfs...had dinner at pizzahut wif ina and shima...

it was ina's treat!!!thanks so much darling:)my stomach nearly burst!

been so long since we spent time 2gether...how i wish we could stay longer...

oh btw...dinner was HILARIOUS!jokes after jokes and luffter after luffter...

lots of pics taken...thanks to shima for bringing the camera along...miss u bachin!!!

there ought to be another outing for us ok!i promise...

well...been busy wif werk ever since holidays started...been trying to make myself busy...and so nik's gonna be in Dubai till september next yr...which soooooooo fucking long lor...hopefully within dat period of time im able to move on and get back on track...HOPEFULLY!was supposed to meet him on tuesday but since he couldnt make up his mind on where to go i decided not to meet him...i have to take my stand ryte now.i cant always give in to him...so yeahh...the day before tuesday on the other hand was spent at werk den off to meet hairi...hang out wif him till the next day...it was ok...wif us non-stop being sarcastic wif each other...hahaha...but i realli enjoyed his company overall...

guess dats gonna be all for now...i PROMISE to update soon!!!

i did try very hard to forget u.i'd even tried hating u for all the hurt u've caused.

i've done all dat i could to get rid of ur memories.but i failed to succeed.

the more i try to hate u,i missed u even more.and the more i try to forget u memories of the time we had evacuates my mind.why do i love u so much?and why does loving u have to hurt?

i see u moving on so well.u have ur career.ur even going to dubai to werk.u dont sound reluctant to go wen i asked how long ur gonna stay there.in fact u sound very eager n excited.

actualli,i wanna tell u how much i realli missed u.but seeing dat ur moving on realli well,i stopped myself.i dun wan to be the one who stopped u from achieving wat u've been waiting for all dis while...i noe dat dis is one of the opportunities in life dat wont come easily.i want u to succeed.i realli do.seeing u happy makes me happy too.i'll wait for u to come back.if we're fated to be wif each other den god will some how get us back together.if not dat it means dat we're not meant to be.i wished u all the best in watever u do.my blessings will always be wif u even though we're far apart.