i wanna have u in my arms and never let u go.gosh!im realli missing u dat much...

been having very2 weird dreams bout nik lately...i dunno why.im starting to get worried.few days back i dreamt of him coming to my house to meet parents...the weird ting is he's wearing t shirt wif flowered shorts!!!those hawaiian shorts u noe...OMG!!!i was like wth!!!dat is the first time i see him so selekeh(lousily dressed).he's always neatly dressed.unlike me.oh nvm about me...hahahah....i guess i must be missing him so much to be dreaming bout him aften.yes...i do miss him so much...VERY VERY MUCH.shud i give him a call jus to check how he's doing???ever since our last meeting in november,i wud reminisce bout all the time we spent together everitime i missed him...he is very special indeed.need i say more...i've never loved anione so much like dis before.yes u can say im living in denial.say watever u want.try standing in my shoes and u'll noe wat im going thru ryte now...oh god!!!the best ting i can do is jus to pray for his safety...

if only silence is a sign of love den i wud have known dat ur so much in love wif me.sadly it isnt...

humans make mistakes...and in life,we always take people for granted.some of which are the most important people in our life...without realising it...and wen u finalli realise dat u've taken them for granted,its alreadi too late for u to apologise or express how u felt towards them...in my case,i used to take my late dad for granted...in fact to me he almost dun exist.i've never realised how important he is to me...jus becos he dun raise me up...my world revolve around my mum.who has been the one raising me up and going thru all the shit i've put her thru...i tot who needs a dad wen my mum can give all the love a mum+dad can give...but i was mistaken to think dat.wat i dunno is a father's love can never be replaced by anione.no one...not even my mum...and i discovered dis wen i lost the figure of my dad forever...i realised my dad's love is different from my mum's.i finalli realised how much i longed for my dad's love...i've never given him a chance to show me how much he realli loves me...cos no matter how bad ur dad is...he is still ur dad.without him i'll never be born to dis world.and no matter how bad he is no other man can replace their place in ur life.no matter how much u try to hate them,watever dat is gonna happen to them will somehow have great impact on u.simply becos its their blood running thru urs...u cant run away from dat...no matter how much u try to hate them u cant...cos deep down inside u noe u love them...u can keep denying to the world...but u cant deny dat fact to urself...i miss my dad and i've been carrying a huge burden on my shoulder for almost 3 yrs now.the guilt of not having the chance to seek forgiveness from him before he left.up till today,i never failed to weep at his grave everitime i visit him.i always do.i cant help tinking on how im such a bad daughter.i've dissapoint both my parents.i've let them down.its jus a matter of time till they are aware of dis dissapointment.someting i've realli wanted to do and till now i havent got the courage to is fall to their feet and tell them dat i've let them down.i blame no one for dis.i only have myself to blame.i fail to choose wisely.i've failed to make my parents proud of me.my late dad might be ashame to have a daughter like me.i dun have the courage to own up.i cant bear to see my mum crying in dissapointment.no...her tears will jus break my heart.it did,the last time she cried...and it always will...

and so thursday was tiring + fun.the day was start as early as 7+.woke up at 6+ in the morning...yes believe it or not...i didnt sleep the whole nite...cos i scared later cannot wake up...hhahahaha...met yaya at 7.45 am at bedok den proceed to sub court.had to wait for quite some time before her ex family reach there...his case is postponed till next wednesday.she was quite relieved.well at least she got to spend some time wif him and i can see dat she's realli happy...im happy for u too babygerl...so yeah...from sub court we proceed to sembawang for a while...stayed there till 4 den went home...i reached home at 6 in the evening.i was damn exhausted...

slept for about 3 hrs...yaya has been trying to call me since 8+ but i was too tired to entertain any phone calls...we were suppose to be out clubbing dat nite.i promised her i'd go...i cant believe she actualli came over to my house to wake me up...LOL...so i had no choice but to wake up and get ready...went out from my house around 10+.we reached dbl O at around 11+ i tink...it was fun.realli.i did enjoy myself there.although yaya was quite pissed wif nurul cos she kind of ruin her mood but i guess overall it was good.i reached home at 4.30.washed up and went to bed.my legs were aching like hell!i shall never wear heels animore...oh god...

woke up the next day and my head is like spinning non stop...my legs are aching like hell and i feel so damn bloody exhausted...i shall never repeat dis ting again.i learnt my lesson well enuff...hahahaha...been feeling lethargic lately although i've had more den enuff rest...i dunno why...is it due to my insomnia or me going out at nite often...i jus dunno...i realli dunno wat blog about...and im restricting myself to blog bout nik.i tink i've had enuff blogging bout him alreadi...so yeah...i guess i'll jus stop here...

dearest babygerl...

i shall give u an advance b'dae wish cos im afraid dat i might not be online later...so ya...here it goes...HAPPY 19TH BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!!may Allah always bless u wif good health and happiness always.i love u so much.more den i love nik ok!hope u'll find someone who can bring lots and lots of happiness to u.

P.S: please be more matured:)

EXAMS ARE FINALLY OVER PPL!!!NOW ITS TIME TO ENJOY...

all 3 papers down...and of all 3 im onli confident dat i'll pass only one paper...hahahah...yes believe it or not...my BCM n IAC like gone lor...hahahah...today was spent sleeping at home...very tired lor...den now cannot sleep...like shit ryte...so damn bored at home...actually i dunno wat to blog about...i blog also out of boredom...haiz...been utubing a lot lately...very boring lah...its so unbearable u noe having to rot at home and do noting...mayb next wk its gonna be a bit interesting i hope...hahahah...we'll see how...i'll be updating soon k...

few days back i dream bout meeting him...i dun even noe where the hell were we.the place is so unfamiliar...but one ting dats weird bout him is dat i saw him crying in front of me.its scary u see...i've never seen him cry...and i dun wan to...i dunno wats the dream suppose to mean.but i jus hope its not a dejavu...i dun wan it to come true...he's the last person on earth i wan to see crying...so unimagineable...but its kinda tarching also lah...hahahah.and yes,i do miss him very much.i wanna meet him can?for the last time at least...OH YES!!!BCM PAPER DONE.LEFT WIF ACCOUNTING N BFS...

let me fall asleep in ur arms so dat i can dream of us

even if ur not destined to be mine den at least in my dreams u will be...~

u are whom i've devoted my love to

and shall i not loved again after u...~

MONDAY-Business communication(morning)

TUESDAY-Intermediate accounting(afternoon)

THURSDAY-Banking and financial services(morning)

den im free to enjoy my holidays!!!realli looking forward for the holidays to come:) i so need it lor...niwae...will prolly be busy wif werk during the holidays.i purposely planned it dat way...if it goes as plan den i'll be werking from monday to friday.saturday and sunday off.so yeah...hmmm...hopefully dis holiday is gonna be a good one at least.i jus wanna end up sitting at home dwelling over the past.NO!i dun wanna go thru dat again.

lots of plans made for dis coming holidays.mayb going jakarta wif my mum(MAYBE). den i got ncc camp.i have yet to confirm wif lina wether im attending it or not.but she's been begging me to come...chances are i'll jus come one of the days...tg pinang trip is yet to be confirmed due to unforseen circumstances.yaya's b'dae coming...dunno wat to plan for her.mayb i'll jus ask her out and give her a treat or someting...we'll see how it goes...so yeah...dats basically the plans i have so far...