been bz with skool and werk...barely had time to spend wif dearest mummy...got so many catching ups to do in studies...im struggling in IAC and its like CA2 is coming...thankfully i kinda catch up...did my assignments...practiced...clarified my doubts wif my lecturer...so...i guess im gonna be fine...project is yet to be done...presentation is like in 1 or 2 wks time...oh god...im like seriously exhausted and i still need to go thru like 6-8 more wks of skool...plus not forgetting exams...i better buck up man...i've had more den enuff of slacking alreadi...well lets talk bout the super long weekends dat jus ended...hmmm...saturday was spent werking den sunday was out at ECP wif my frens...monday jus slack around wif ayu and i forgot wat i did on tuesday...noting interesting though...lets talk about myself now...hmmm...I'm tired of pretending to be fine...Im tired of smiling wen actualli all i wanna do is cry realli hard...I cant pretend to be ok wen actualli im tearing apart...mentally exhausted and down currently...and the only possible way to lift up my spirits is wen i actualli get to see u.even if it have to be from far...i noe i cant carry on like dis.im aware dat my behaviour is gonna ruin my life.BUT I CANT HELP FEELING DIS WAY!

i have to start attending my 8 am class more regularly...i have to stop being lazy...OMG!and i have to sleep early!!!aniwae...skool wise...hmmm...so far so good i guess.except for the part dat i've not been attending IAC regularly and the fact dat there's so many tings i have to catch up wif...IAC CA2 is coming soon...im sooooo DOOMED!LLA presentation is due after chinese new yr...haiz.

on the other hand,situation at work worsen.sunita is getting on my nerves lately...she's been asking wether or not im still interested in working there.WTF!!!i mean if im not interested den i wud have quit isnt it?i mean i dun like the way she asked me dat question.and it like she gets hurt easily.jus bcos i informed my colleague dat im on mc instead of informing her.she's being selfish and so unconsiderate towards others...why the hell would others wanna spare a thought for her ryte...JUS ONE MORE TIME IF SHE DARE TO PROVOKE ME I SWEAR IM GONNA QUIT AND I MAKE SURE SHE'LL REGRET IT!

i've been locking myself up at home.not going aniwhere.not becos i wanted to.im forcing myself to stay at home.basically becos skool alreadi started.i dun enjoy locking myself up u see.in fact i feel mentalli tortured.its like home is jus the last place i wanna be.i jus wanna go out.even if it means jus sitting at the void deck.i dun mind.no there's no war going on at home.everiting's fine.the problem is wif me.im fighting a war against my feelings.its been so difficult to control my emotions.i jus broke down into tears wen im alone.i miss u so much.if only u knew.i love u more den i ever tot i would.and it jus hurts even more to see u putting up wif ur ego.ur actions and ur words...i noe its not u.its ur fucking ego.wats the fucking point u apologised for hurting me too much???tell me?and why do u have to back off?why???why apologised and hurt again?i've been keeping everi single tings to myself for almost 1 yr now.my anger,my love,my jealousy,my sorrows...EVERITING!and u dont even seems to care!i've never wanted someting so badly the way i wanted u...someone said i deserve better...but it seems dat the better ones doesnt seems to come...

i was in skool wen suddenly i was reminded of my dad.kind of had a quick flashback of the times i spent wif him wen i was little.i remembered dat he ever dressed me in a boy's oufit.and moreover at dat time i always keep short hair for some reasons...he rarely buy me dresses.hahaha...den he wud carry me and let me sit on his shoulder.i miss those times.i dun have to tink bout aniting.all i do is to go to skool and study.i dun have to worry bout not having money to buy stuff,i dun need to tink bout going to work and tings like dat.dad always said dat going to skool is very important.so dat i will have a bright future and i wont end up like him.

oh dear...if only i can turn back time...i miss being small kids.i miss being carried and pampered by my dad.i miss my grandpa n grandma.i wished there's no such tings as death.cos death has taken away my loved ones.my dad,my grandpa and my grandma.i miss them so much.i wish i could run to them and cry as much as i could in their arms.