readherblabber

2010-01-24T00:13:00.000-08:00

aku ingin engkau ada disini
menemani ku saat sepi.
berat hidup ini tanpa dirimu
ku hanya mencintaimu kamu
ku hanya memiliki kamu.
aku rindu setengah mati kepadamu
sungguh ku ingin kau tahu
ku tak bisa hidup tanpa mu.
aku rindu...

2009-09-19T00:21:00.000-07:00

2morrow is alreadi 1st of syawal.see how time flies...aniwae i wanna wish all muslims SELAMAT HARI RAYA AILDILFITRI.MINAL AIDIN WAL FAIZIN.

i must admit dis ramadhan will be one dat i'll never forget.its been tough on me.mum was admitted to the hospital last wk.i was realli scared.i cant imagine aniting happening to her.den im busy werking full shift.im extremely exhausted and my legs are aching.kinda painful to walk.i totally got no time for myself.maybe dats the reason why i jus breakdown into tears wen i met kak sara.i couldnt hold back animore.im jus truly exhausted physically n emotionally.thanks kak for being there.i realli need that.and thanks for ur advise.

raye's preparation on the other hand is doing good.bought curtains.im happy to see the new curtains.dunno why.at least sumting to cheer me up.bought my baju kurong.green AGAIN.haha.very simple indeed.wasnt planning to buy actually.gonna do a final cleanup later.dats it.thanks to all who give the kuehs.realli appreaciate it.

aniwae will go back to werk on tuesday.FULL SHIFT AGAIN.haha.takpe2.next month confirm kaye...LOL.and yes...i'll only get my pay next month.-.- pelan2 kayuh ah...hahaha...

2009-09-10T21:46:00.000-07:00

holidays is here and im so damn happy bout it.exams are over.thank god.now is the time to get back to werk.i have to keep myself realli2 busy now.i need to.werk has been realli great.the crazy colleagues wif all the laughing and joking.though its been tiring,but i guess its worth it.

Syawal is coming and soon Ramadhan will leave us.its so fast aint it?down to the last 9 days.i jus cant wait.heehee~i wont be werking until the 3rd of hari raya.so i need to clear my visitings before i get back to werk i guess.

im sorry but i feel dat i can no longer take everiting in silence.wat happen is jus too much for me to keep it to myself.dat is why i asked.but instead of answering my question u replied wif another question.dat is wat making me realli angry.i ought to noe the truth and ur not gonna explain urself den dis isnt gonna go aniwhere.

2009-08-31T00:54:00.000-07:00

i gt a job and 2morrow is my first day!im so happy...but on the other hand...my exams is jus next wk.7,8 & 9 sept...im soooooo stressed up.on the brighter side...i have my holidays waiting for me!which means exams isnt so bad after all...out of 3 modules,i've only completed costing revision...the other 2 modules dun ask.im gonna struggle like hell i tell u.

"Can i share something with u?"

"What is it?"

"Im attached now"

"Ouh..gd for u.. im happy for u.."

When i said i was happy for him, the truth was im not..It took him 2yrs to get over the previous rship before mebut it only took him less than 6 mths to get over me.. i didnt mean as much to him...

dat is an extract from a girl's blog who used to be wif nik.haha...i was laughing like hell wen i read dis a few days back.so ya...dat explains everiting to me.and im happy to find out the truth.realli...

dis Ramadhan has been great except the part where i gt sick.other den dat its been a good one.i havent decide on the colour for dis yr's baju.dun feel like buying actualli...see how lah.

i cant wait to break fast wif u:)

2009-08-13T21:28:00.000-07:00

oh well my blog is getting dusty...hehe...havent been updating for such a loooooooooooooooooong time...i know...i jus dunno wat to blog about...been busy wif skool not to mention the exhaustion it brings...exams is jus 3 wks away and im like soooooo doomed!i jus cant seem to get aniting inside my brain...hmmm...guess i'll be doing last minute revision den...

its funny wen i realised how u have so many tings to say to ur friends.the story jus goes on and on.u'll never find urself having noting to say at all...its a different story wen ur wif ur special someone...silence seems to follow most of the time...u have so many tings to say and u want to share it wif them but den again u tot dat they'll not be interested wif ur story or they'll be too tired to listen.even talking on the phone seems to be a chore sumtimes.funny aint it?

wen everiting comes down to noting?

2009-06-20T22:41:00.000-07:00

well ok i noe i havent been updating for so long...i realli dunno wat to blog about actualli...a lot of tings happen...erm mayb i shud say a few perhaps...so ya...im 19 alreadi...wud like to thank those who wished and celebrated my b'dae wif me....much appreciated.love u all:)nonetheless i do feel dissapointed but den again i shall not blog about it ya...

erm...kind of have a small gathering wif the sec skool frens...not all turn up though...last min changes and some ppl couldnt come for various reasons...so its down to me,haiqal,dary n farhan...it was still ok...eat and kind of catch up on things dat we've been missing...

hmmm...wat else.oh ya...tour wif annie koh is over.so we're now left wif the final report.phew!the tour was fun!despite waking up very early...i did my presentation on the peranakan museum wif shima...haha...and the guy who werk at the museum is so hot lah!after museum we had lunch at kim choo.the food was not bad...oh ya and annie koh treated us durian puffs...its nice.

left wif like 1 wk plus till skool reopens...i havent been studying at all...and im very worried cos CA is like 1 wk after skool reopens.ALL 3 MODULES sumore...hmmm...some changes happen but im not gonna reveal aniting jus yet...so ya...jus be patient ok...

2009-06-09T09:08:00.000-07:00

Note to self before i turn 19

1. i shall be more selfish.i shall tink of myself more.

2. i shall not trust ppl easily.

3. i shall stop being naive.

4. i shall be more outspoken and friendly.

5. i shall learn how to speak up instead of keeping to myself.

6. i shall make lots n lots of frens regardless of gender and not getting into r'ship in the mean time.

7. find a new job as soon as possible.

A woman can fake an orgasm but a man can fake a whole relastionship...

how true...

2009-06-02T01:22:00.000-07:00

HAPPY 19TH B'DAE DARLING!!!

may all ur wish come true and may u achieve all the sucess that u want.

1 yr older means u've gotta be more wiser in making decisions,

more matured in facing the problems dats gonna come,

be less naughtier and...

MORE REASON FOR ME TO CALL U KAKAK SHIMA!!!

HAHAHAH...

2009-05-29T22:37:00.000-07:00

so wen is it gonna be?

2009-05-26T20:03:00.000-07:00

all my life i prefer sumone like u
and i tink dat i finally found u
and i hope u feel the same way too...
i promise to never fall in love wif a stranger
ur all im tinking of...
i realli love u...
u turn my life around
u pick me up wen i was down...

counting down to the day i get older...

2009-05-25T23:07:00.000-07:00

as those water droplets fell to the ground
curled up in the corner of my room
i reminisce on the tings i've done
u captured a big part of the story i've yet to tell the world
all the amazing tings dat have happened
not forgetting those painful moments too

denial can be such a sweet misery
as i pretend dat tings were fine wen noting realli is
i held on to dis imaginary world u've created
or shud i say dis lie?
u realli got away by using ur charm on me

tell me how u'd done dat?
making me believing all the lies u've said
keeping me in the dark n doing tings behind me
without me even being suspicious at all
very brilliant indeed

wen i finally realised someting was amiss
u've gone too far and left me hanging
leaving me to discover everiting by myself
and everitime i did it jus kept pulling me down
not knowing how to react animore seeing wat u've been up to

even wen ur here now it feels like ur miles away from me
i cant find the words to say or aniting to do to make tings ryte
why wont u quit playing dis game?
cos i guess we're better off going our separate ways

2009-05-23T00:49:00.000-07:00

1.You are a very serious person. You tend to be quiet and well behaved, and you don't have a great deal of self-confidence. You prefer to be alone rather than with friends and that could make you a little less interesting to certain types of guys. You are very attractive in an individual kind of way, and this means it can take people a little while to get to like you.

2.You don't really care about other people's feelings. You do things the way you want and usually think only about yourself. You are easy-going and love to have fun, but you can be irresponsible as well. You are not keen on serious discussions because they can make you remember that life isn't always about parties.

3.You strictly follow rules, and you expect other people to be the same as well. People can get tired of you easily, as you can make them feel a little guilty about themselves. You always make decisions on your own, and can be dismissive of other people's advice. You like to be the leader in groups, but can forget to be concerned about the people you are with.

4.Your peers think of you as a fun person, but sometimes you can be a little irresponsible. You can be somewhat childish, and can try to ignore the fact that you will one day need to really grow up and be a mature adult! Perhaps you could start reading good books; they might help you look at the world in a different light. You do want to be taken seriously, right?

5.Your boyfriend believes that you are a strong and independent person. Your confidence and cheerfulness make you an attractive person to be around, but sometimes you need to pay more attention to what other people, including your boyfriend, are thinking.

2009-05-23T00:35:00.000-07:00

Your view on yourself:
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:
You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education:
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:
You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.

Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

OMG...im speechless.hahah!

2009-05-22T23:43:00.000-07:00

i love going to skool.haha!!!skool is like very fun lor nowadays.everiday also laugh.thanks to my 2 best buddies.SHIMA & AYU.both of u never fail to make my day everiday!i love the both of u ok...hmmm...monday got ACCOUNTING CA.im like so scared lor.i wanna score gd grades for dis paper.i'm aiming for A but i noe i'll get at least B.better den C ryte...i've gotten B for my costing...i'm rather happy wif my results but im capable of better results.my B'DAE IS COMING!!!hahah...on one side im excited and on the other side im not...we'll jus see wat happens...im contented wif wat i have ryte now.im so lucky dat there's so many people who care about me.i realli thank those people.i love u all too ok.

all dat has been happening makes me afraid of r'ship.i realised its kind of chasing after me and i keep running away from it.haha.im realli scared of it now and im not joking.u'll see my expression change once u mention about feelings.dun talk about love and all lah!i dun want r'ship.i jus wanna make more frens...lots and lots of them.dun come n complicate my life can???

my leg's injured.my knee to be exact.the muscle at the knee locked den i fell down during S&W.so pain like fuck.i was crying the whole day in my room becos the pain was soooo unbearable.and its difficult to sleep.yes i can walk.but it's gonna be painful.its jus getting worst.jus pray dat noting tear or any of dat sort ok...

2009-05-17T21:24:00.000-07:00

yes i miss u.i missed waking up next to u...i miss ur laughter.

i miss everi single ting about u...

there's so many tings on my wishlist...hahah...

but there's only 1 thing dat i noe i wont get...well lets not talk about dat.

i jus need to stop hoping animore...hoping is for helpless people...

im not helpless...im a strong girl....yes i am.mum said so...

its funny how she can noe so much even without me telling her.

skool's doing good.i dun seems to have any problems so far...

which is a good sign for me...i jus need to keep encouraging myself to go to skool.

haha...ok dis post is soooooooooo pathetic i noe.

2009-05-11T05:29:00.000-07:00

I SOOOOOOOO LOVE DIS SONG!

2009-05-07T21:16:00.000-07:00

k i dunno why but i realli like dis song...

2009-04-28T02:14:00.000-07:00

yes i've said dat i alreadi hate u.i still do.dat will not change.
its jus dat...bout how i wasted 1 yr and few months jus like dat.
i cud have been wif sumone better perhaps.i did meet the better ones.
much much better...

but i jus cant deny the fact dat i miss those times.yes i still do.
especialli those on a few occasions where i woke up in the morning next to u.
laughing to ur jokes,watching tv 2gether,have dinner 2gether...
oh well...its jus sumtings i cudnt bear to forget and let go.
"there's jus too much dat time CANNOT erase"
i'll keep those memories in one special corner in my heart.

oh yes the weather IS HORRIBLE!!!
its so freaking humid.i perspire a lot sia while walking to skool.
and i hate the sticky feeling u see...
oh yes skool wasnt dat bad after all.i kind of like going to skool.
the only ting to keep me busy.

went out last friday and i tink i had a little too much of the alcohol.
my head was alreadi very heavy but i continued drinking.
BUT i wasnt drunk.jus dat i drink slightly over my limit.
all i wanted was jus to drown my sorrows for a while.
and i tink the excess alcohol had caused my stomach some disorder.
i vomitted a couple of times and i feel VERY SICK.
i hate dat feeling.ok i LEARN MY LESSON.

2009-04-26T01:09:00.000-07:00

dearest nik,

thanks for everiting.i realli treasure all the moments i spent wif u.

all the luffter,jokes,love,arguements even the hurt u've caused me i realli appreciate it.

i'm grateful to noe u cos u've taught so many tings dat i wont learn from anione else.

u taught me how not to trust other people so easily,taught me dat not all love is true and forever,

taught me how to endure so much pain and lastly u taught me how to let go of someone whom u realli loved.

i tink u noe how much i realli loved u.i've never loved a guy so much like i love u.

i've sacrificed like i've never sacrificed before becos of u.

i also discover my strength thru u.ur such a wonderful person.i cant deny dat fact.

i finally got to noe dat the reason our r'ship didnt work out isnt becos of me.

its not becos i aint good enuff for u.but the problem lies in u.

i discovered dat i wasnt the only one going thru dis shit.

u treated ur other lovers the same.in fact my assumptions was right after all.

u did cheat on me.im not angry wif those girls.im angry wif u.

i jus wanna remind u again dat wat goes around comes around.

and sumday wen u finally met someone u realli love dat person is gonna put u thru the exact same shit dat u've made me and a few others go thru.

i've gotten enuff proofs dat i've been looking for.enuff to make me hate u so much.im happy dat i can finally move on.mayb i cant go back to where i used to come from.but i'll be stronger and wiser den wat i used to be.yes im deeply hurt but im sumhow contented wif wat i have now.i have my family who is always by my side.i have my studies to look forward to.im gonna get a new job soon.and i have my friends who's always there to cheer me up and keep me company.wat more can i ask for.

i dun need ur love or any man's love to be happy cos i noe people around me can love me better...

this shall be my last farewell to u.i'll always pray for ur success and hope u'll be happy wif whoever ur wif now.

i jus hope i wont ever have to see u again in future.

thank you for everiting...

2009-04-22T23:25:00.000-07:00

skool's started...time table so far ok lah hor...
out of 5 days,3 of the days i finish skool early...

modules wise...all 3 modules gt LECTURE!!!

like shit lor...costing n accounting both gt 2 lecture in 1 wk...

i so hate lecture!its so difficult to concentrate bcos the lecturer

is so boring...make me wanna ZzZzZzZ...

well noting much changed lah...everiting's pretty much the same...
currently jobless and looking for a new job...
rotting at home most of the time...

i become gd gerl alreadi hor...never go out at nite during skool days...

and i tink my insomnia is finally cured...hahhahaha...

i miss my frens...ESPECIALLY sheena..

so many weird tings happen yesterday and i almost cried...
i shall not say wat happen...but im scared to death lah...

he look so kental wif specs!!!LOL...

OMG!!!

my fav!~

unspoken werds...

2009-04-15T05:36:00.000-07:00

been 5 months...since i last met you.and still counting.
dis is the longest so far ever since 230108...
i've been and still am carrying these heavy feelings dat i jus cant describe.
its a mixture of hurt+pain+betrayed+heartache...
the feeling is terrible.trust me.
i want to cry to make myself feel better.
but it seems dat even these eyes have refused to cry animore.
maybe it became tired of crying.jus like i am.
tired of playing dis game u've pulled me in.

i wud have bear the pain.but till wen?
i wud have waited.and i still am waiting.
im hurting.the pain never go away.the wounds refused to heal.
i did try pulling myself together.
but no matter how hard i tried,i still see myself falling apart.
so wat am i to do?
its not dat i didnt wanna end dis.but u refuse to let it end.
is it my fault?
perhaps it is.because i love u too much.
so what happens now?
only u have the answer.and im still waiting for ur answer up till this moment.

were there werds that remains unspoken by you wen we last met.
or perhaps u expect me to understand those silence u gave me.
silence dat i shud assume dat marked the end of everiting.
cos u refused to say aniting.wen u alreadi said ur gonna make a confession.
so was the silence ur term of confession?
how was i to know.wen i tot silence was ur way of loving me.
u never told me dat ur silence has changed its meaning.
u shud have told me dat ur silence means the end of everiting.
so i wud stop waiting.and these wounds wud start healing.
and my story wud finally have an ending.
so i can live happily never after...

2009-04-03T01:18:00.000-07:00

results is out alreadi...well i wont say i did badly.i did ok but the 1st sem results were much better...as u can see my GPA is 2.971.i scored B for banking&finance and also for intermediate accounting.and C for my business communication.i realli tot i wud score an A for BFS and C for IAC.oh well nvm...2 B and 1 C will do jus fine i guess...aniwae its over...hahaha...on a sweeter note,my bro congratulate me!!!hahaha...he said keep up the gd werk...he said dat becos he dunno about my 1st sem results...if not i cud have gotten a long lecture from him.hahaha...

oh yes i saw someone who looked exactly like my late dad few days back.he looked as if my dad have a twin bro...from the way he dressed,facial expression,skin tone,hair style...simply everiting...i was very shocked.i stared at him and he also stared at me back...hahaha...oh yes...i do miss my dad sooo much...

skool's starting very soon...and believe it or not im kind of excited for skool:)

2009-03-27T20:36:00.000-07:00

i wanna have u in my arms and never let u go.gosh!im realli missing u dat much...

2009-03-26T19:50:00.001-07:00

been having very2 weird dreams bout nik lately...i dunno why.im starting to get worried.few days back i dreamt of him coming to my house to meet parents...the weird ting is he's wearing t shirt wif flowered shorts!!!those hawaiian shorts u noe...OMG!!!i was like wth!!!dat is the first time i see him so selekeh(lousily dressed).he's always neatly dressed.unlike me.oh nvm about me...hahahah....i guess i must be missing him so much to be dreaming bout him aften.yes...i do miss him so much...VERY VERY MUCH.shud i give him a call jus to check how he's doing???ever since our last meeting in november,i wud reminisce bout all the time we spent together everitime i missed him...he is very special indeed.need i say more...i've never loved anione so much like dis before.yes u can say im living in denial.say watever u want.try standing in my shoes and u'll noe wat im going thru ryte now...oh god!!!the best ting i can do is jus to pray for his safety...

if only silence is a sign of love den i wud have known dat ur so much in love wif me.sadly it isnt...

2009-03-22T02:56:00.000-07:00

humans make mistakes...and in life,we always take people for granted.some of which are the most important people in our life...without realising it...and wen u finalli realise dat u've taken them for granted,its alreadi too late for u to apologise or express how u felt towards them...in my case,i used to take my late dad for granted...in fact to me he almost dun exist.i've never realised how important he is to me...jus becos he dun raise me up...my world revolve around my mum.who has been the one raising me up and going thru all the shit i've put her thru...i tot who needs a dad wen my mum can give all the love a mum+dad can give...but i was mistaken to think dat.wat i dunno is a father's love can never be replaced by anione.no one...not even my mum...and i discovered dis wen i lost the figure of my dad forever...i realised my dad's love is different from my mum's.i finalli realised how much i longed for my dad's love...i've never given him a chance to show me how much he realli loves me...cos no matter how bad ur dad is...he is still ur dad.without him i'll never be born to dis world.and no matter how bad he is no other man can replace their place in ur life.no matter how much u try to hate them,watever dat is gonna happen to them will somehow have great impact on u.simply becos its their blood running thru urs...u cant run away from dat...no matter how much u try to hate them u cant...cos deep down inside u noe u love them...u can keep denying to the world...but u cant deny dat fact to urself...i miss my dad and i've been carrying a huge burden on my shoulder for almost 3 yrs now.the guilt of not having the chance to seek forgiveness from him before he left.up till today,i never failed to weep at his grave everitime i visit him.i always do.i cant help tinking on how im such a bad daughter.i've dissapoint both my parents.i've let them down.its jus a matter of time till they are aware of dis dissapointment.someting i've realli wanted to do and till now i havent got the courage to is fall to their feet and tell them dat i've let them down.i blame no one for dis.i only have myself to blame.i fail to choose wisely.i've failed to make my parents proud of me.my late dad might be ashame to have a daughter like me.i dun have the courage to own up.i cant bear to see my mum crying in dissapointment.no...her tears will jus break my heart.it did,the last time she cried...and it always will...

2009-03-21T07:56:00.000-07:00

and so thursday was tiring + fun.the day was start as early as 7+.woke up at 6+ in the morning...yes believe it or not...i didnt sleep the whole nite...cos i scared later cannot wake up...hhahahaha...met yaya at 7.45 am at bedok den proceed to sub court.had to wait for quite some time before her ex family reach there...his case is postponed till next wednesday.she was quite relieved.well at least she got to spend some time wif him and i can see dat she's realli happy...im happy for u too babygerl...so yeah...from sub court we proceed to sembawang for a while...stayed there till 4 den went home...i reached home at 6 in the evening.i was damn exhausted...

slept for about 3 hrs...yaya has been trying to call me since 8+ but i was too tired to entertain any phone calls...we were suppose to be out clubbing dat nite.i promised her i'd go...i cant believe she actualli came over to my house to wake me up...LOL...so i had no choice but to wake up and get ready...went out from my house around 10+.we reached dbl O at around 11+ i tink...it was fun.realli.i did enjoy myself there.although yaya was quite pissed wif nurul cos she kind of ruin her mood but i guess overall it was good.i reached home at 4.30.washed up and went to bed.my legs were aching like hell!i shall never wear heels animore...oh god...

woke up the next day and my head is like spinning non stop...my legs are aching like hell and i feel so damn bloody exhausted...i shall never repeat dis ting again.i learnt my lesson well enuff...hahahaha...been feeling lethargic lately although i've had more den enuff rest...i dunno why...is it due to my insomnia or me going out at nite often...i jus dunno...i realli dunno wat blog about...and im restricting myself to blog bout nik.i tink i've had enuff blogging bout him alreadi...so yeah...i guess i'll jus stop here...

2009-03-18T03:52:00.000-07:00

dearest babygerl...

i shall give u an advance b'dae wish cos im afraid dat i might not be online later...so ya...here it goes...HAPPY 19TH BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!!may Allah always bless u wif good health and happiness always.i love u so much.more den i love nik ok!hope u'll find someone who can bring lots and lots of happiness to u.

P.S: please be more matured:)

2009-03-12T12:39:00.000-07:00

EXAMS ARE FINALLY OVER PPL!!!NOW ITS TIME TO ENJOY...

all 3 papers down...and of all 3 im onli confident dat i'll pass only one paper...hahahah...yes believe it or not...my BCM n IAC like gone lor...hahahah...today was spent sleeping at home...very tired lor...den now cannot sleep...like shit ryte...so damn bored at home...actually i dunno wat to blog about...i blog also out of boredom...haiz...been utubing a lot lately...very boring lah...its so unbearable u noe having to rot at home and do noting...mayb next wk its gonna be a bit interesting i hope...hahahah...we'll see how...i'll be updating soon k...

2009-03-09T02:11:00.000-07:00

few days back i dream bout meeting him...i dun even noe where the hell were we.the place is so unfamiliar...but one ting dats weird bout him is dat i saw him crying in front of me.its scary u see...i've never seen him cry...and i dun wan to...i dunno wats the dream suppose to mean.but i jus hope its not a dejavu...i dun wan it to come true...he's the last person on earth i wan to see crying...so unimagineable...but its kinda tarching also lah...hahahah.and yes,i do miss him very much.i wanna meet him can?for the last time at least...OH YES!!!BCM PAPER DONE.LEFT WIF ACCOUNTING N BFS...

2009-03-06T11:17:00.000-08:00

let me fall asleep in ur arms so dat i can dream of us

even if ur not destined to be mine den at least in my dreams u will be...~

u are whom i've devoted my love to

and shall i not loved again after u...~

2009-03-05T01:46:00.000-08:00

MONDAY-Business communication(morning)

TUESDAY-Intermediate accounting(afternoon)

THURSDAY-Banking and financial services(morning)

den im free to enjoy my holidays!!!realli looking forward for the holidays to come:) i so need it lor...niwae...will prolly be busy wif werk during the holidays.i purposely planned it dat way...if it goes as plan den i'll be werking from monday to friday.saturday and sunday off.so yeah...hmmm...hopefully dis holiday is gonna be a good one at least.i jus wanna end up sitting at home dwelling over the past.NO!i dun wanna go thru dat again.

lots of plans made for dis coming holidays.mayb going jakarta wif my mum(MAYBE). den i got ncc camp.i have yet to confirm wif lina wether im attending it or not.but she's been begging me to come...chances are i'll jus come one of the days...tg pinang trip is yet to be confirmed due to unforseen circumstances.yaya's b'dae coming...dunno wat to plan for her.mayb i'll jus ask her out and give her a treat or someting...we'll see how it goes...so yeah...dats basically the plans i have so far...

2009-02-22T08:38:00.000-08:00

well yes i finally changed my blog skin...its like very2 simple to the max...jus the way i want it to be...hahahah...kk...despite the fact dat exams is jus around the corner,i cant help but skipping my classes...hahahah...i noe...suicidal...jus exhausted lah...dunno why...and no...im not stressed up at the fact dat exams are coming.jus a tiny winy bit worried dats all...thank god im not debarred k...hahahah...i was dead scared k.i swear...

moving on was never easy...yes i admit.cos it requires u to forget those sweet memories which ur jus reluctant to let go...but for now...im moving on pretty well i guess...so far so good...but of course...i cant help tinking bout him...no no...i dun want him back.jus dat i havent been able to stop tinking bout him yet...he'd played quite a big role in one part of my life.so its not dat easy to jus get him out from my mind...jus the tots of him makes me annoyed,pissed,angry,dissapointed and hurt.haiz...

was tinking wat are my goals in life jus now...currently im skooling...it'll be done by next yr.if possible i want to further my studies but perhaps i'll jus find a job,a stable one hopefully den i'll jus upgrade myself slowly.reason being...i have responsilities dat i have to take care of...i jus cant neglect my responsibilities and be selfish jus to fulfill wat i desire...i have my mum to take care of...she's realli counting on me.and i dun wanna dissapoint her.even though deep down i noe i have in some ways...next on the list is i wanna settle down...hahahah...dis is funny!know why?becos i told my mum i dun wanna get married.i jus wanna have kids.thru adoptions.i dun mind...but i jus cant picturing myself spending the rest of my life wif a man.reason being i dun trust men...hahahah...yes call it pathetic.i dun care...i jus dun trust them...but den...i have to.cos im required to...yes it'll be nice to settle down and have kids of my own.haiz...kk...enuff of dis daydreaming...will update soon okies...

2009-02-12T02:18:00.000-08:00

currently in skool everiting's bout exams,exams & exams...revision here and there...pretty hectic i shud say.and i swear all of dis is draining all of my energy.still got like 4 more weeks to skool...and less den a month to exams...preparations...hmmm...ok lah...not so bad i suppose...been sleeping in the evening lately...i dunno wats making me so exhausted.and...i've been drinking redbull on a regular basis...i noe its not good for health but i jus cant help it ok.i jus need someting to give me some extra energy.heehee~i promise i'll try to cut down...

recently i got to noe about dis gerl who was my senior back in my secondary school days whom passed away...i was very shocked.it came out in the news paper...my condolesence to her family and hope dat they stay strong...Allah loves her more.though we dun realli noe each other i hope dat u'll rest in peace.amin...

met sheena few days back,and gerl i realli miss u sooooo much ok...had a long catching up session wif her...thanks for coming over baby...and thanks for listening...we shall meet up soon ok darling!love u!!!

on the brighter note,i'll be meeting nik dis sunday.hopefully he dont cancel it.oh yes i realli do miss him so much:)there's so many tings dat needs to be clarified...we'll jus see wat happens aite...will update again soon...

walau ada yg lain tlah hadir hatimu yg terpilih~

2009-02-08T21:07:00.000-08:00

i reached my point of exhaustion wen i jus broke down into tears and cried realli hard.its been so long since i cried like dat.it was so frusterating.i asked u a simple question,its a YES or NO question and u cant even answer my question.or shud i say u REFUSED to answer my question reason being dat my question is FREAKING u out.which part of my question freaked u out???well u noe wat...if u hadnt kept me in the dark for all dis while,i wudnt have to ask u dis question.i jus wanna noe were there/is there someone else in ur heart?dats all...what is it dat is freaking u out???im sick and tired of playing dis game u noe...so why wont u jus cooperate wif me and let us end dis game?ur biggest problem is u like to run away from problems.tinking dat by doing so dis problems will dissapear without u having to face it.but ur wrong...the problem onli gets BIGGER AND MORE COMPLICATED each time u run away from it.stop living in denial and start living in reality baby...well mayb u jus dun realise jus how much i care and jus how much i love u...u dunno how much i realli wanted tings to werk out between us.im not asking for a fairy tale.but i dun want dis either...i jus dun wanna give up on dis jus yet.im willing to wait...but there ought to be a stop to dis waiting ryte...i jus need u to tell me the truth about everiting...onli dat...im prepared to let u go...but first i need u to be honest...

2009-01-25T02:42:00.000-08:00

been bz with skool and werk...barely had time to spend wif dearest mummy...got so many catching ups to do in studies...im struggling in IAC and its like CA2 is coming...thankfully i kinda catch up...did my assignments...practiced...clarified my doubts wif my lecturer...so...i guess im gonna be fine...project is yet to be done...presentation is like in 1 or 2 wks time...oh god...im like seriously exhausted and i still need to go thru like 6-8 more wks of skool...plus not forgetting exams...i better buck up man...i've had more den enuff of slacking alreadi...well lets talk bout the super long weekends dat jus ended...hmmm...saturday was spent werking den sunday was out at ECP wif my frens...monday jus slack around wif ayu and i forgot wat i did on tuesday...noting interesting though...lets talk about myself now...hmmm...I'm tired of pretending to be fine...Im tired of smiling wen actualli all i wanna do is cry realli hard...I cant pretend to be ok wen actualli im tearing apart...mentally exhausted and down currently...and the only possible way to lift up my spirits is wen i actualli get to see u.even if it have to be from far...i noe i cant carry on like dis.im aware dat my behaviour is gonna ruin my life.BUT I CANT HELP FEELING DIS WAY!

2009-01-16T08:06:00.000-08:00

i have to start attending my 8 am class more regularly...i have to stop being lazy...OMG!and i have to sleep early!!!aniwae...skool wise...hmmm...so far so good i guess.except for the part dat i've not been attending IAC regularly and the fact dat there's so many tings i have to catch up wif...IAC CA2 is coming soon...im sooooo DOOMED!LLA presentation is due after chinese new yr...haiz.

on the other hand,situation at work worsen.sunita is getting on my nerves lately...she's been asking wether or not im still interested in working there.WTF!!!i mean if im not interested den i wud have quit isnt it?i mean i dun like the way she asked me dat question.and it like she gets hurt easily.jus bcos i informed my colleague dat im on mc instead of informing her.she's being selfish and so unconsiderate towards others...why the hell would others wanna spare a thought for her ryte...JUS ONE MORE TIME IF SHE DARE TO PROVOKE ME I SWEAR IM GONNA QUIT AND I MAKE SURE SHE'LL REGRET IT!

i've been locking myself up at home.not going aniwhere.not becos i wanted to.im forcing myself to stay at home.basically becos skool alreadi started.i dun enjoy locking myself up u see.in fact i feel mentalli tortured.its like home is jus the last place i wanna be.i jus wanna go out.even if it means jus sitting at the void deck.i dun mind.no there's no war going on at home.everiting's fine.the problem is wif me.im fighting a war against my feelings.its been so difficult to control my emotions.i jus broke down into tears wen im alone.i miss u so much.if only u knew.i love u more den i ever tot i would.and it jus hurts even more to see u putting up wif ur ego.ur actions and ur words...i noe its not u.its ur fucking ego.wats the fucking point u apologised for hurting me too much???tell me?and why do u have to back off?why???why apologised and hurt again?i've been keeping everi single tings to myself for almost 1 yr now.my anger,my love,my jealousy,my sorrows...EVERITING!and u dont even seems to care!i've never wanted someting so badly the way i wanted u...someone said i deserve better...but it seems dat the better ones doesnt seems to come...

2009-01-07T23:59:00.000-08:00

i was in skool wen suddenly i was reminded of my dad.kind of had a quick flashback of the times i spent wif him wen i was little.i remembered dat he ever dressed me in a boy's oufit.and moreover at dat time i always keep short hair for some reasons...he rarely buy me dresses.hahaha...den he wud carry me and let me sit on his shoulder.i miss those times.i dun have to tink bout aniting.all i do is to go to skool and study.i dun have to worry bout not having money to buy stuff,i dun need to tink bout going to work and tings like dat.dad always said dat going to skool is very important.so dat i will have a bright future and i wont end up like him.

oh dear...if only i can turn back time...i miss being small kids.i miss being carried and pampered by my dad.i miss my grandpa n grandma.i wished there's no such tings as death.cos death has taken away my loved ones.my dad,my grandpa and my grandma.i miss them so much.i wish i could run to them and cry as much as i could in their arms.

2008-12-29T03:24:00.000-08:00

had to werk during christmas.it was ok lah...noting much happen...had to werk the next day also.knock off from werk around 10.head home to change den off to arab street for sheesha.which was the plan initialli...but the place was soooooo packed dat we end up drinking teh tarik...hahahah...it was fun though...lots of laughter and jokes being passed around...we decide to make a move from there cos its like almost 2am and the shop is gonna close soon...so we sat at kallang river...chatted till its 6+ den i decided to head home first cos its adli's b'dae party on dat saturday.was damn exhausted and mum is not letting me rest.the best ting is i spent 5 hours in the kitchen to make roti kirai.lots of familiar faces seen coming but i jus couldnt be bothered to even say hi to them.i was realli worn off.the party ended at around 10 i tink.cant remember.i havent even bought adli's present lah.omg...

den sunday was spent rotting at home.and im sick...had blocked nose and cough which is very irritating lor.wanted to get out from home for a while but no one was free.so i had no choice but to be stucked at home...

today was spent wif dear mummy...accompanied her to the doctor to make some surgery appointment.went to sportlink...bought a PINK nike slipper...hahahah.my mum nearly got a heart attack wen she saw the price...LOL.but at least she said its nice.*toodles*...from bedok we went to bugis.i bought 2 skirts and 2 dresses...heehee:)im one happy girl ya noe!so basically today is shopping day...if ur wondering why im spending soooo much its bcos firstly i've gotten my pay...and second ting is i GET BONUS LAH SEH!!!muahahahahah...though its not dat much...but i guess its enuff to fulfill some of my desires...heehee:)so ya...basically dats about it ah.will update more soon okies lovely people.i promise:)

2008-12-24T10:03:00.000-08:00

movie date wif miza darls is changed to dinner date...cos miza finished late...the plan was to catch bedtime stories initialli...but its ok...dinner date is still fun wif her around...next time k dear...i realli enjoyed my time wif u...thanks for the company dear gf!!!before dinner wif miza was out wif sheena darls to tekka for threading...after threading we had late dinner at bugis macD.OMG!!!it was so packed!!!reason being its christmas eve.btw...MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERIONE...kk lame...so yeahh...jus hang around bugis while waiting for miza...

i've to admit dat all those hurt u've caused doesnt seemed to change my feelings for u.no matter how much u've hurt me,but still u treated me nicely wen im wif u.never once u shouted or be harsh to me...if i want i could've confronted u for everiting...im i prefer to keep it to myself...i noe wats going on...i chose to close both eyes...cos i've given so much for dis...and i wouldnt want it to go to waste and jus end like dat...if not now...mayb u'll realise one day...hopefulli...i've made up my mind...i'll wait till u come back.no matter how long...meanwhile i'll jus focus on my studies while ur away...

2008-12-18T09:58:00.000-08:00

ok so 171208 was spent wif dear gfs...had dinner at pizzahut wif ina and shima...

it was ina's treat!!!thanks so much darling:)my stomach nearly burst!

been so long since we spent time 2gether...how i wish we could stay longer...

oh btw...dinner was HILARIOUS!jokes after jokes and luffter after luffter...

lots of pics taken...thanks to shima for bringing the camera along...miss u bachin!!!

there ought to be another outing for us ok!i promise...

well...been busy wif werk ever since holidays started...been trying to make myself busy...and so nik's gonna be in Dubai till september next yr...which soooooooo fucking long lor...hopefully within dat period of time im able to move on and get back on track...HOPEFULLY!was supposed to meet him on tuesday but since he couldnt make up his mind on where to go i decided not to meet him...i have to take my stand ryte now.i cant always give in to him...so yeahh...the day before tuesday on the other hand was spent at werk den off to meet hairi...hang out wif him till the next day...it was ok...wif us non-stop being sarcastic wif each other...hahaha...but i realli enjoyed his company overall...

guess dats gonna be all for now...i PROMISE to update soon!!!

2008-12-08T04:32:00.000-08:00

i did try very hard to forget u.i'd even tried hating u for all the hurt u've caused.

i've done all dat i could to get rid of ur memories.but i failed to succeed.

the more i try to hate u,i missed u even more.and the more i try to forget u memories of the time we had evacuates my mind.why do i love u so much?and why does loving u have to hurt?

i see u moving on so well.u have ur career.ur even going to dubai to werk.u dont sound reluctant to go wen i asked how long ur gonna stay there.in fact u sound very eager n excited.

actualli,i wanna tell u how much i realli missed u.but seeing dat ur moving on realli well,i stopped myself.i dun wan to be the one who stopped u from achieving wat u've been waiting for all dis while...i noe dat dis is one of the opportunities in life dat wont come easily.i want u to succeed.i realli do.seeing u happy makes me happy too.i'll wait for u to come back.if we're fated to be wif each other den god will some how get us back together.if not dat it means dat we're not meant to be.i wished u all the best in watever u do.my blessings will always be wif u even though we're far apart.

2008-11-29T08:31:00.000-08:00

i miss my dad sooooo much...thoughts of him jus tears me apart...

i realli wished he's still here...i wanna feel his warmth hugging me...the comfort dat i've never felt...i felt jealous at times seeing people being hugged or kissed by their dad...lucky arent they?...

i wished my dad hugged me...but i realise dat not even all the money in dis world could bring him back...and it jus saddens me even more...i realli missed him sooooo much...i jus wished i could see him smiling again...i realli want to...

2008-11-27T08:50:00.000-08:00

i now realise dat i've been dat i've been taken for granted...

ur making me as a rebound...waiting for u to be readi...well u noe wat...

im tired of waiting...i realli jus wanna move on wif my life...

u've wasted so much of my time...leaving me hanging...and me being the stupid one

keeps on waiting and waiting...its becos i treasured all the tings dats we've done...

but i guess u dun feel the same way as i did...

2008-11-25T02:08:00.000-08:00

well everione knows dat people make mistakes.
but no one would wanna make mistakes purposely ryte...
wat if...u noe dat wat ur doing is wrong...but u still carry on doing it...
well i see it as pure stupidity...realli2 stupid...
but some people jus cant help it...it do happen...

i've some unsettled matter dat needs to be settled...

but i tink its jus a waste of time settling it...and i dun tink it will ever be settled...

it have wasted a lot a lot of my time...and i dun tink i can afford more time to be wasted...

im feeling realli2 down...like very down...i jus dunno wat i shud do ryte now...

IM CLUELESS!!!!

2008-11-17T02:56:00.000-08:00

its a pity dat u wasted the opportunity dat time...i shud've known better.

well i tot ur realli gonna talk...but i was mistaken...u'll never change do u...though i must admit dat im kinda happy to see u...i realli did have a great time...thanks for everiting...

2008-11-06T00:47:00.000-08:00

u noe how wen u have a secret...a very big ting dat u've been keeping to urself...and its bout u...and u have to lie bout it and u end up feeling guilty...and the guilt is trying to kill u very slowly...dat kinda feeling...well if u've never been thru it...my advise is u shud tell it to the person whom ought to noe bout it...dun be scared of wat dat person will tink bout u after dat...wats important is for u to tell the truth...cos once u let it out...u'll feel sooooo relieved...like as if a very big burden has been lifted up from ur shoulder...it feels soooo good...and yes u shud cry(for girls)cos it makes u feel much better...
trust me!to hell to wat ppl wanna tink bout u...jus dun pretend dat everiting is fine...cos tings will jus worsen...somehow it goes dat way...stupid i noe...but its true...

2008-11-01T23:14:00.000-07:00

dear to whomever it may concerns,
im starting to get sick by u and ur stupid werds...from the 1st day i noe till now all u do was waste my time waiting for u...u and ur empty promises can eat shit and go to hell...i dun need people like u in my life.though u somehow played a big part in my life,i realli hate u...stop being a sweet talker u bastard!i hate u and i realli regret noeing someone like u.if possible,i dun wish to see u ever again thru out my whole life.u've only bring hurt and misery into my life.mayb only a moment of hapiness...a fake one dat is.so pls...fuck off from my life and stop making me miserable.and pls...before u ever talk about commitments to other people,make sure u go and look up for the word at dictionary.com and understand the meaning...
yours truly,
aleeya.

2008-10-29T08:05:00.000-07:00

i noe i havent update my blog for a while...realli sorry for dat...been busy lately...and also tired.

hmmm...my fri n sat was spent at werk...sunday was out wif jinnie...hahahah catch a movie 2gether...TROPIC THUNDER.it was hilarious...a very good one...and oh yes...thanks for the spongebob dear!:)i realli love it...monday was supposed to be at east coast but i end up slacking at home due to my back pain...

tuesday...hmmmm...i skipped LLA & SW...attended IAC den cabot BFS also...omg!!!i have to stop my nonsense immediately...den jus now...had IAC in the morning den from 10-1 was spend at TM shopping and eating...and oh yes...me n shima have been eating like no one's business for the past 2 days...was supposed to have BCM at 1 but lesson was cancelled...like shit...waste my time...so decide to go home...reach home wash up den sleep...

2008-10-24T22:41:00.000-07:00

some pics dat i have jus edit...hmmmm...wat do u tink for a start???good?no good?

hmmm...for me personally i tink ok lah eh for a start...hahahah...i dunno...im jus starting to play around wif dis editing stuff...so yeahh...if its not nice den excuse me k...hahahah...

its finally the weekends...i'll be going out 2morrow!!!weeeeee~cant wait seh...:)

2008-10-22T23:07:00.000-07:00

im like soooo damn exhausted...on mc today...my body is aching everiwhere...haiz...

skool's ok...but tiring...i feel so drain out...and yeahh...shima has been disturbing me NON-STOP everiday!!!hahahaha...but its ok i guess...cos i tink its realli sumting dat made my day...thanks hunny!!!

life's been pretty good lately...i've gotten back on track...im happy wif wat i've got now...werk is also ok...been werking wif the new staff...so far sooo good...though i am planning of getting a new job...jus feel dat i need a new environment to work in...we'll see how later lah...for the time being i guess i'll jus make do wif wat i have ryte now...will be werking on fri n sat...will be going out wif sumone on sunday and monday...realli cant wait:)looking forward for the hotcakes!!!

i still havent get started on my assignments...damn!!!im sooo in deep trouble...i dun even noe wat im doing....haiz...well i better start soon...presentations is in 2-3 weeks time...

2008-10-18T18:57:00.000-07:00

was deleting some of my posts jus now...reason being..i jus dun wanna dwell on it...some of those posts jus reminds me of the past...and i jus dun wanna be reminded of it animore...like i've said in my previous post...i've moved on and im happier now...
some changes in my life ryte now but i dun tink im gonna elaborate on it for now...mayb later perhaps...wat matters is dat im happy...or i shud say delighted and very much contented...i hope it'll stay like dis:)
well...skool has been soooo hectic and im soooooo exhausted...the time-table is crazy!i can feel my self drained out the moment im home...omg!!!and the supplements doesnt helps...its only the 1st week of skool and im sooo beat.how am going to manage the rest of the weeks???
i've got 2 presentation to finish up and 1 test to study for...oh dear...im soooooo damn stressed up...like seriously people...haiz...i guess i jus have to stop slacking...
till then...

2008-10-11T03:57:00.001-07:00

Di Antara Kalian - D`MASIV

my current fav song!:)

2008-10-09T13:45:00.000-07:00

ok i noe i havent been updating my blog for quite sumtime...sorry for dat...
first and foremost i wanna wish all muslims selamat hari raya...and to those who noe me...
jus wanna seek forgiveness for watever tings dat i did dat hurt anione or mayb i dun realise dat wat i said is wrong and tings like dat...im realli2 sorry...didnt mean to hurt anione...
raye dis yr is like SUPER slack lah...boring beb!jus the usual yearly thing...didnt do much visitings either...at times like dis...how i realli wish dat my dad is still around...I REALLI MISS HIM SOOOOOO MUCH!!!havent go to kubur also...cos my bro is in aussie ryte now...prolly back by next wk...haiz...
gd news so far is dat i got A for both accounting and business...like thank god!!!i realli tot dat i flung accounts lah...im soooooo happy...and time table for next sem is out...schedule pretty slack lah kan...i realli mish skool....i've been slacking way too much alreadi seh...hahahaha.
looking forward for skool to start...jus hope i did as well next sem...
hmmm...i've moved on...and im happy bout it...

2008-09-26T01:21:00.000-07:00

for dis post...i dun wanna babble bout my life...but i wanna write bout a gerl who's very dear to me...she's a gerl who've always been there for me regardless of where she is...she's someone i'll trust my life wif...

back den wen we're still in the same skool...we used to be always 2gether...walk to skool 2gether,eat lunch,walk home 2gether...we do almost everiting 2gether...always plan the most stupidest tings 2gether...ouh...how i miss those days...but ryte now...although we r no longer in the same skool,we always make time to meet each other to catch up on each other's life...

wat makes me wanna write bout her is how she's always been by my side no matter wat im going thru in life...she always offer her shoulder for me to cry on.oh dear...she's like a godsend...never wud i wan to lose a fren like her...cos she's hard to find...trust me...and the gerl im writing about is sheena...thanks for everiting darling...

2008-09-16T23:03:00.000-07:00

went to bazaar geylang for a few times alreadi...and i shud say its pretty boring actualli...there's noting much to look out for...noting new...onli the usual stuff... and i've been buying dresses from the bazaar...hahaha...my mum is so gonna kill me...but at least its cheap...10 bucks onli...lol...so far i've bought 3 dresses and 1 purple jeans:)

life's been okay i guess...better den the weeks before at least...been going out and lazing around at home...and yeahh jus found out dat didi has been dumped by the gf.and i tink dats the reason why he's been trying to contact me i guess...hmmm...i shall plan out a script on wat i shall say to him wen im finalli readi to talk to him...but den for now i shall jus ignore him lah...u see...wat goes around comes around...now he get a taste of wat he'd been putting me thru...i noe i may sound rude lah but honestly i kind of happy to see him being ditched by the girl he loved.

im due to be werking on thurs,sat n sun...friday is supposed to be iftar wif hairi n his frens but im still considering wether or not i'll join them...we'll see how den...

2008-09-14T00:37:00.000-07:00

SELFISH

I only thought of you and me and never anything else

The time we spent together kept me sane, you helped me to be myself

What I didn't realize is that the distance was breaking your heart

Even under you're best disguise, but it was tearing you apart, baby.

It was...

Selfish, of me to give you my love and tell you that we would never be undone.

Selfish, to want you here everyday, though we were much too far away.

Selfish, to think there was nothing wrong, with me helplessy hanging on to you

Selfish, my heart was stuck in denial, there were too many miles between us

Didn't wanna hurtcha baby, never meant to hurtcha baby(Didn't wanna hurtchu baby)

Didn't wanna hurtcha baby, never meant to hurtcha baby

Relying on the telephone I hear you say goodnite

Was probably not the best way to keep the commitment alive

After all the fantasies, I couldn't see past, what could of been oo

You were a part of me, but unhappy to be, could'nthandle it

'Cause it was...

Selfish, of me to give you my love and tell you that we would never be undone.

Selfish, to want you here everyday, even though we were much to far away.

Selfish, to think there was nothing wrong, with me helplessy hanging on to you

Selfish, my heart was stuck in denial, there were too many miles between us

Tell me, how can it be that I loved you with all my heart but I was heartless,

I was oblivious to something that was right in front of me,

oh Lord,Take this misery away, away.

It was...

Selfish, of me to give you my love and tell you that we would never be undone.

Selfish, to want you here everyday, even though we were much to far away.

Selfish, to think there was nothing wrong, with me helplessy hanging on to you

Selfish, my heart was stuck in denial, there were too many miles between us

Didn't wanna hurtcha baby, never meant to hurtcha baby(Never meant to hurt you baby)

Didn't wanna hurtcha baby, never meant to hurtcha baby

2008-09-08T11:04:00.000-07:00

I Stay In Love Baby, I stay in love with you

Dying inside cause I can't stand it Make up break up can't take this madness

We don't even really know why all I know is baby

I Try and try so hard to keep our love alive

If you dont' know me at this point then I highly doubt you ever will

I really need you to give me that unconditional love I used to feel

It's a mistake if we just erase it From our hearts and minds

I know We said let it go but I kept on hangin' on

Inside I know it's over you're really gone

It's killing me cause there ain't nothing that I can do

Baby I stay in love with you

And I keep on telling myself that you'll come back around

And I try to front like 'Oh well' each time you let me down

See I can't get over you now, no matter what I do

Baby baby, I stay in love with you

It cuts so deep it hurts down to my soul

My friends tell me I ain't the same no more

We still need each other

When we stumble and fall how we gon' act like what we had Ain't nothing at all now

Hey, what I wanna do is ride shotgun next to you

With the top down like we used to

Hit the block proud in the SU

We both know our heart is breakin'

Can we learn from our mistakes I can't last one moment alone,

although I know We said let go but I kept on hangin' on

Inside I know it's over you're really gone

It's killing me cause there ain't nothing that I can do

Baby baby, I stay in love with you

And I keep on telling myself that you'll come back around

And I try to front like "Oh well" each time you let me down

See I can't get over you now no matter what I do

Baby baby, I stay in love with you

We said let go but I kept on hangin' on

Inside I know it's over you're really gone

It's killing me cause there ain't nothing that I can do

Baby baby, I stay in love with you

And I keep on telling myself that you'll come back around

And I try to front like "Oh well" each time you let me down

See I can't get over you now no matter what I do

Baby baby, I stay in love with you

We said let go but I kept on hangin' on

Inside I know it's over you're really gone

It's killing me cause there ain't nothing that I can do

Baby baby, I stay in love with you

And I keep on telling myself that you'll come back around

And I try to front like "Oh well" each time you let me down

See I can't get over you now no matter what I do

Baby baby, I stay in love with you

2008-09-04T21:33:00.000-07:00

nobody has ever said dat kind of tings to me.and u have to say such tings at me!ur such a motherfucker u noe dat???wat rights do u have to say such tings to me???i didnt even spit any vulgarities on u in the first place...omg!!!ur sooo uncivilised.u go around telling people all the bad tings bout me n make people tink dat ur such a perfect person n im like the one who dunno how to appreciate.oh god!ur such a disgrace u noe dat.

well u noe wat???i realli tink u shud grow up...dun be such a baby and ask ppl to solve ur problems...ur acting like a 12 yr old u noe dat...its sooo embarrasing lah...and u dun even realised dat...and next time u seek help from others pls do appreciate wat they have done for u and not blame them if tings dun go ur way!i realli dunno wats going on wif ur mind sia...ur sooooo childish lah..telling the whole world bout ur story and putting all the blame on me and expect sympathy from ppl...ur soooo fcuking getting on my nerves lah...

2008-09-03T19:54:00.000-07:00

im like sick for almost 5 days now and its realli draining my energy out.i lost my voice,the fever is going up n down,blocked nose n dry cough.omg...and im still fasting...its alreadi the 4th day...alhamdulillah...and i hope i can continue on like dis.

didnt attend skool today cos i jus cant bring myself out from bed.and i have to go for an interview at 2+ later.omg...my mum told me i dat i realli need to see a doctor or else i wont recover.i realli dunno wether i shud or not.we'll see how later...

talked to dyna yesterday and i was holding back my tears after wat she told me wat u told her.i cant believe u'd tink dat far.i dunno how u cud have dat tots of me.im sooo dissapointed n im realli upset.i tot u'll understand wen i told u the truth.but i was wrong.u jus pretend to understand.i shudnt have told u aniting.like seriously...now.the more i felt dat dis is jus aint werking out.i jus dunno lah.i realli dunno.

I Stay In Love - Mariah Carey

2008-09-03T02:50:00.000-07:00

the starting of dis wk wasnt realli good for me.it is soooo sucky.small arguements made big.and to make tings worst the involvement of some people whom i tink isnt necessary wen the matter can actualli be resolved on our own.ok mayb its my fault for letting it drag but den i wasnt the one who started dis.and i was tinking why the hell shud i give in if it wasnt my fault ryte???...i realli dun understand why is there a need to tell anione bout dis and to make tings worst let the person solve dis matter.its realli ridiculous n embarassing.OMG!

well on the happy side...my current grade for OFA is B.yay!im soooo happy lah.and jus now was like the last test for OFA.sooo...i tink the worst i can get is like a C which is not dat bad i guess...i still havent studied for my exams which is gonna get me into big trouble.i realli have to start studying sia...haiz...jus a few more days amelia and u can enjoy ur holidays.am realli looking forward to holidays.im gonna find a new job dat pays more so i can save money for my holidays...

fasting month has started and i've some gathering to attend to.each gathering is like jus a few days from each other.im like gonna be so broke once i cleared all of it...haiz...there's the BV gathering,guardian colleagues,dynah n frens,skool mates and not forgetting wif the ONE.oh god...haiz...but at least im realli looking forward to it cos i realli miss my frens lah...especialli the BV frens.ok...till den...

2008-08-30T20:05:00.000-07:00

Sometimes U Jus Have To Smile,

Pretend Everiting Is Okay,

Hold Back The Tears And Jus Walk Away...

meaningful aint it?well dats wat im best at.always pretending im okay.pretending to be happy.jus not to make people worried or sympathise me.i dun need sympathy.it still hurts.it always does.and it will always remains dat way cos...

The Only People Who Can Really Hurt U

Are The Ones Who Matters The Most...

2008-08-27T08:36:00.000-07:00

yesterday was awesome...hahaha...realli had a great time wif him.watched movie wif shima darling n her boify.midnite meat train.i seriously dun understand the story lah.the ending so merepek seh.hahahaha.hmmm...after movie went to city plaza to join the gathering.didnt wanna go actualli but imp kept insisting dat we go even if its onli for a while.so yeahh...got no choice.

i told him the truth dat im trying my best to move on.and im trying my best to get over didi.he's soooo understanding.thank god.sweet isnt it???i jus hope i dun end up hurting him.he's very nice indeed.shima said dat too.jus hope dat everiting will work out.

till then...

2008-08-20T02:25:00.000-07:00

was surfing thru the net den i came across dis baby photo...adorable arent they???sometimes i imagined myself having my own babies...settled down happily...den again at times wen i tink again...i can be happy even if im not married...i can have my own children without getting married thru adoption dat is.cos wen i tink again...i dun realli need a man in my life.i'll be jus fine having my mum and my children wif me...

i saw it wif my own eyes how my mum brought me n my bro up as a single parent.she worked two jobs to bring us up...even though she remarried but my step dad wasnt contributing much.see...wats the point of having man in ur life if ur carrying their responsibilities on ur shoulders.women now can do wat men can do.i saw wif my own eyes how in some families the wives are the bread winner n the husbands are lazing around at home.

u get wat im trying to say.so wats the point of getting married den???it is encouraged for men n women to get married to avoid 'maksiat'.but it is also said dat the men have be fully prepared to carry responsibilities which includes providing the basic necessities for his families.the men shud also be well knowledged in terms of religious knowledge sa dat he can guide his family to the rught path...

well i dunno...wats written here are the tings i see in my own perspectives.other ppl might have their own way of seeing dis whole ting.there's no right or wrong though...its very subjective and also a sensitive issue.

till then...

2008-08-19T03:18:00.000-07:00

woke up at 0645 den shima said she dun feel like attending accounting class so i decided to come skool at 10.den around 0915 i feel so lazy wanna go skool so i change back to my t shirt n shorts n continue to sleep.kekekekekeke....woke up at 1640.went to wash up den ate my lunch....felt so lethargic today...dunno y.hmmm...maybe due to sleeping too much perhaps...

was looking thru my frenster and viewed thru feezah's profile.saw a comment from him to her.

was thinking of you today, as I often do. It seemed like the right time to let you know. I miss you and look forward to the time when I see your beautiful smiling face and hear your sweet lovely voice.love u baby..ur ma swity pie!!!

very swit of him eh...never had he been so swit like dat to me.haiz...she's very lucky.seriously.after all he is a sweet-talker but for him to say someting like dat is realli someting...

so yeahh...enuff bout dat...dis coming weekend my schedule will be like very packed.i'll be at the chalet probably on both fri n sat.den sat afternoon will be going to sentosa first b4 the chalet to celebrate a fren's b'dae.den mayb drop by at ace's pit b4 going to the chalet since its at changi also.not sure wether i'll be going to ace's pit or not.den sunday most probably spending time wif my mum.hehehehe...if not she'll say dat i dun spend time wif her.

so yeahh i guess dats about it.

2008-08-17T08:21:00.000-07:00

i tried but i jus cant.
im jus missing u soooo badly dat its realli starting to hurt.
memories of the happy days kept flashing back on my mind.
it made me smiled for a while.
den came all the lies and cheatings.
i stopped smiling den i cried.

dats wen my life turned around.
u left me counting the steps dat u take.
im all alone and ur there wif someone else.
im tried keeping myself 2gether
but everiting's starting to fall apart.

i noe dat i shud've moved on but it jus aint dat easy.
im picking up all the shattered pieces dats left all by myself.
its difficult i noe.
but i have to overcome dis obstacles somehow
and hope one day i'll learn to love some new.

jus someting i wrote jus now.mayb it can turn out to be a song perhaps.anibody wanna volunteer to create a melody for it???hahaha...jus joking...till then...

2008-08-12T06:54:00.000-07:00

been trying my very best to keep my spirits high...keep myself occupied wif werk and all other tings at home.so far so good...hahah...well i cant keep lying to myself of how much it still hurts but at least im not letting it drag me down.im realli tired...i jus wanna run away from all dis cos its jus never ending.

dyna's b'dae celebration was fun...hahaha...had a great time wif them...they are realli very nice ppl...especialli bear n yogi...hahaha...they r very funny...jus wanna thank them for sending me home dat time...THANKS A LOT EH!!!

let's see wats coming up...hmmm...accounting CA dis friday,den lau pa sat wif colleagues,FASTING MONTH!!!,EXAMS DEN HOLIDAYS!!!yay!so looking forward to holidays lor...hmmm...will keep updating more aite...till den...

2008-08-07T21:00:00.000-07:00

its a friday...and i woke up to a msg which realli brings me to the lowest point in my life.was a msg from nik.
"hey gd morning,i tink we shud realli go on our separate ways n stop contacting each other since we couldnt startaniting.i wish u success in ur future n hope u do pray for my success too.im sorry dat all dis is too sudden for u but i've a careful tinkingn i tink it's best for us.pls do take care."
i accepted wat was written in the msg bravely.i didnt break down into tears.but i couldnt avoid the fact dat i wasnt good at losing people.especialli those whom i regarded as my pillar of strength.he was one of them.it took me quite a while before it could actualli bring me to the lowest point in my life.
seems dat the people i love leaves me one by one...it feels so demoralising and it makes me tink wat have i done dat i deserve to go thru all dis hell.u have no idea how hard i tried to prove to people dat im strong wen actualli im in such a vulnerable state.and wenever i tried making my way back to the top there's always someting dat keps pushing me back to the bottom.
i wanna run away.i wanna give up in everiting.i wanna be somewhere where there's no one who'll hurt me.i dun wanna struggle like dis animore.i dun wanna care about aniting but myself.i wanna go somewhere where all i have to tink about is me and no one else.

2008-08-04T06:10:00.001-07:00

well i saw ur new pic wif her.glad to see dat ur happy.she is better den me aint she...she can tolerate tings dat i cant...wish u all the best wif her...2morrow's ur 4th yr anni..congrats aite...honestly seeing u happy realli makes me happy...im no longer hoping for u to come back to me animore.im readi to let u go.i'll move on.not looking to go into any r'ship ryte now.studies are my main concern.exams is in 1 months time and i realli need to work hard to achieve good grades.

there's 12 months in a year,

7 days a week,

60 minutes an hour,

but only one like u in a lifetime.

2008-07-31T21:07:00.000-07:00

had napfa on monday...i swear i almost fainted during the 2.4.the 5 items were quite ok i guess...but i have a feeling dat im gonna flung my 2.4...aniwae at least its over.dun have to worry bout it animore.down wif fever on tuesday...got 2 days mc from the doctor...rest at home the whole of tuesday...met yaya on wednesday...like finally...hahaha...realli missed her a lot.got to spend onli a few hours wif her cos she gotta rush to werk at 6 and i gotta meet nik.

and so i was late to meet him and he was like very angry at me.he kept repeating the same ting even after i apologise lah...cranky ryte dat guy...aiyo!dat was like the first time he's mad at me.its like sooo burok....hahahaha...but den again i realli had a great time wif him even though we met onli for a while...he realli made me luff a lot wif his stupid jokes lah...we cabbed home at about 2200 hours...thanks for everiting ok!u realli made my week:)

back to skool on thursday.had my role play.finally its over...went to tamp wif my mates after skool den head home at around 4+.start off dis morning wif a bad headache.dunno why although i slept very early yesterdae nite.was perspiring a lot today....and it realli sucks lah...aiyo wen lah wanna recover eh...

2008-07-22T17:41:00.000-07:00

well u wanna noe the truth,i'll tell u the truth.the truth is dat up till now it still hurts evritime i listen to ur voice on the phone or even see u.wanna noe why?reason is becos i still love u.Yes!i still love u after all dat u've done to hurt me.and u noe wat hurts even more???it hurts even more seeing u throwing ur life down the drain and the fact dat i cant do aniting bout it.do u even noe how it feels to be helpless???No u dont!cos u've never cared!all u've cared about is onli about urself.u dun care bout the ppl around u who cared for u cos ur SELFISH!im not dissapointed wif u.im dissapointed wif myself cos i failed to change u to a better person.do u have any idea how it feels???

Im not supposed to love u

im not supposed to care

im not supposed to live my life wishing u were there.

im not supposed to wonder where u are or wat u do.

im sorry but i cant help myself cos im in love wif u.

2008-07-21T06:04:00.001-07:00

hahah...ok dis are the pics from sheena's b'dae party...well if u noticed in the pics i look rather drunk wen actualli im not...hahaha...well its fun lah i shud say...i wud like to wish sheena a happy belated b'dae once again...i love u girl!!!

2008-07-20T07:40:00.000-07:00

well 2nd wk of skool is much better compared to the previous one...noting much happen...finalli gotten all my CA results...i gt A for both accounting and business n a C in OFA...dissapointing...but i guess its not dat bad huh...next CA is at the end of the month,followed by NAPFA n exams in september...pressure dok!hahahah...well besides dat noting much happened...

there's 2 ppl dats very dear to me celebrated their b'dae dis wk...first one is didi which was on 16/7 n the other one is sheena baybee which was on 17/7...well i onli manage to wished didi as i rejected his offer to go out wif him...but did celebrate wif sheena yesterday as mel threw a party for her somewhere in boat quay...was very nice of him...the party was attended by closed frens of both mel n sheena...from sheena's side there's me syahirah n a fren of syahirah...but both of them onli stayed for a while...most of it were from mel's side...so yeahh...i drank but i guess i consumed a little too much...heheheh...but i wasnt drunk...i cant.i had to take care of certain tings...im onli a bit high...so we left the party at around 11 and head down to ecp for her uncle's chalet.stayed for a while and went home at around 1 am.

nik msg me telling me dat he's stressed up wif his new job...hahaha...poor him...he also said dat he realli need to destress himself...planned to meet up but i cant make it...mayb next time...well guess dats all i have for now...will update some other time...

2008-07-13T01:02:00.000-07:00

hmmm...lets talk bout my first week of skool aite...

the first day realli sucks...i didnt have enuff sleep and i totalli forgot to bring my lanyard...damn...to make tings worst the moment me n shima reached skool we were caught by dat stupid boncet!!!he confiscated my ez link and we have to collect during lunch time...urrggghhh!!!he realli ruin my day lah...no bfd so we head down to geylang to eat wif the rest of my mates...and cabot afd which means me n shima went home straight...noting much thru out the weekdays onli dat my CA is like at the end of the month,role play,NAPFA TEST....omg...i feel so pressurised...hahahah...and yeah...i seriously havent been sleeping well...slept bout 2 hours evriday and i feel like im a zombie...realli need to start sleeping well...

but on the brighter note...i've made some new frens...hahaha...realli fun ppl to be wif...though im like the youngest of all...let me introduce them here...there's eddy bear,dyna,boi,hajar,sri,akey n there's more lah...but these are the ones im close wif...haahhahah...new frens are loved!!!k stop it...hahahah...well dats bout it...

2008-07-01T18:50:00.000-07:00

havent been blogging for quite sometime i noe...simply cos there's realli noting i find interesting to blog bout...its always the same old shitt happening...so wats the point repeating ryte...hmmm...holidays are boring...but at least i get to somehow enjoy dis last wk of holidays doing someting...

went east coast yaya few days back.we overnite there...hahaha...we were darn bored lah...aiyo...noting much happen there...kind of boring too but we kept each other occupied by talking bout each other's life...someting like catching up lah kate kan...head home at around 0515 and i decided to take a cab...i realli cant bring myself to wait for the first bus animore...

met nik yesterday...spend the nite wif him...been quite sometime since we met...well noting much have change...he's still the same...had to admit dat i was actualli over the moon wen he asked wether i wanna meet...yeahh...his ORD is next thurs and the best ting is he got himself a job alreadi wif singtel as an engineer...cool or wat???hahahah...another great ting is his gonna werk somewhere around bdok...which is very near...hopefully can get to meet him often...frankly speaking i wasnt hoping a lot from watever dat happen.i'll jus let it go wif the flow and see where it will take us...

i wish to smile again.

2008-06-24T12:36:00.000-07:00

See my days are cold without you
But I'm hurtin while im with you
And though my heart can't take no more
I keep on running back to you
See my days are cold without you
But I'm hurtin while im with you
And though my heart can't take no more
I keep on running back to you

Baby I don't know why ya treatin me so bad
You said you love me, no one above me
And I was all you had
And though my heart is eating for ya
I can't stop crying
I don't know how
I allow you to treat me this way and still i stay

See my days are cold without you
But I'm hurtin while im with you
And though my heart can't take no more
I keep on running back to you
See my days are cold without you
But I'm hurtin while im with you
And though my heart can't take no more
I keep on running back to you

Baby I don't know why ya wanna do me wrong
See when I'm home, I'm all alone
And you are always gone
And boy, you know I really love you
I can't deny
I can't see how you could bring me to so many tears
after all these years

See my days are cold without you
But I'm hurtin while im with you
And though my heart can't take no more
I keep on running back to you

See my days are cold without you
But I'm hurtin while im with you
And though my heart can't take no more
I keep on running back to you

Oohhhhh
I trusted you, I trusted you
So sad, so sad
what love will make you do
all the things that we accept
be the things that we regret
too all of my ladies (ladies) feel me
c'mon sing wit me

See, when I get the strength to leave
You always tell me that you need me
And I'm weak cause I believe you
And I'm mad because I love you
So I stop and think that maybe
You can learn to appreciate me
Then it all remains the same that
You ain't never gonna change
(never gonna change, never gonna change)

See my days are cold without you
But I'm hurtin while im with you
And though my heart can't take no more
I keep on running back to you
See my days are cold without you
Butm hurtin while im with you
And though my heart can't take no more
I keep on running back to you

Baby why you hurt me leave me and desert me
Boy I gave you all my heart
And all you do is tear it up
Looking out my window
Knowing that I should go
Even when I pack my bags
This something always hold me back

2008-06-21T23:56:00.000-07:00

holidays had started...well its the most boring holidays i've ever had in my life i shud say...im slacking at home most of the time...i dun werk dat much cos their cutting part timer hours...oh well...had percussion training on monday n friday for the upcoming performance which is gonna be on dis coming monday...had a seminar on thursaday which is super boring...i dun gain any knowledge out if it...

oh ya...i finalli met him on tuesday...he fetched me after werk which realli surprise me...i tot he wasnt gonna come...so yeahh...went to east coast wif him...sat in his car...he was trying to talk tings out but i was being ignorant...i dont believe in giving chances animore...he had gone beyond my limits and i couldnt forgive him...apologising alone is not enuff...to tink dat i'll fall for his words again...oh well...dream on...i knew he's lying...even up to dat very moment...well...i did ask him for the truth...and he finalli confessed dat he's still wif fizah...GREAT!well dats all dat i need to noe...

ryte now im trying to move on...im picking myself up trying not to breakdown...I CAN DO IT! ITS MIND OVER BODY...i jus need to tell myself dat i dun need such idiots in my life to be happy...i can be happy on my own...im trying to get myself busywif tings like watching movies online and stuff...jus to distract myself....

oh dear...i have LLA assignments to finish and i've not even started....damn it....

2008-06-15T02:08:00.000-07:00

i dont understand where u have the courage to even ask me to give u another chance after all the lie u've told me.its so easy for u to apologise cos ur not going thru dis shit ur giving me...do even have any idea how i feel wen i noe u li to me bout dat guy???and do u noe how hurt i am wen i found out bout u and fizah...u went on lying to me until i finally found out the truth...u used me to keep u company bcos fizah is in australia...and wen fizah come back ur gonna leave me the way u did last time.and u even dare to tell me dat u've left fizah and wants to be wif me???wat do u take me for?do u tink dat im just born yesterday...and stop defending urself by bringging up the story bout dat guy whom i barely knew...for all i noe he have noting to do wif us and its jus another lie u've created.

JUST FUCK OFF FROM MY LIFE WILL YOU?

HAPPY B'DAE TO ME!!!

2008-06-12T19:34:00.000-07:00

first and foremmost i wud like to wish MR HAIQAL a very happy b'dae...hahahaha...dah legal seh...

2ndly i wud like to wish myself a happy belated burfday...basically i celebrate it wif my dear ones...sheena n yaya...i cant thank enuff them enuff...and not forgetting to those who wished me...thanks a lot ppl...i realli realli appreciate all of it especially to those who wished me at 12 o clock...i realli dun expect it...although it wasnt the most happiest one but it sure is memorable...

yaya thanks for the cake girl...hahaha...and thanks for keeping me company the whole day...i guess saying vthank you alone is not enuff to express how much touched i am by the cake...and to sheena...thanks knn for the bottle...hahaha...and also for the cake...its super yummy lah...

and to the person who had to ruin my b'dae thanks eh for everiting...it was realli a pleasure to noe

and im soooo looking forward to meeting someone to have a belated celebration...hopefully it will turn out to be a good one...hehehehe....

2008-06-06T10:15:00.000-07:00

I love u MUM!

I noe im not the best daughter in the world.

I noe i've caused u soooo much trouble and u've gone thru a lot raising me up to wat i am now...

U may not be the most perfect person in this world but in my eyes ur perfect in every single way...

THANK YOU for ur never ending love towards me and for always being there for me...

2008-06-01T20:27:00.000-07:00

well, the gud ting is i've been indulging myself wif assignments... been very busy lately finishing up my assingments, going out and do some catching-up sessions wif a couple of frens...im enjoying myself cos its realli nice seeing some old frens...and yeahh did some shopping too...dats wat i realli2 need to do...hahahah...

but i cant possibly be at task 24/7 ryte...and dats wat i realli hate...i jus wish i have someting to do all the time...cos the moment im alone i'll be tinking of the bad tings in life dat has been happening to me...tings dat i've been avoiding to be exact...been pretending to be alryte wen ppl noe im not...well u ppl noe dat i realli have to keep my spirits high ryte now...i realli cant afford to feel low cos i'll definitely breakdown...

dats jus wat i dun wan...i prefer being like dis...pretending.i dun wanna go thru dat hell animore...i hope u ppl can realli help me to bring my spirits high aite...cos u ppl are realli good at doing dat...u ppl never fails to make my day and make me smile even at the very worst day...

jus 2 more wks bfore hols...and seriously im lookin forward to it...its jus the break i realli2 need ryte now...

2008-05-31T05:22:00.000-07:00

i wanna erase everi single memories of you.

but why wont you let me?

i wish that you would just leave for good

and let me forget you.

i wanna have a fresh new start.

and i've learnt not to trust easily.

it should onli be given if you gain it.

2008-05-26T23:35:00.000-07:00

kau membuat ku berantakan
kau membuat ku tak karuan
kau membuat ku tak berdaya
kau menolak ku
acuh kan diriku

bagaimana caranya utk
meruntuhkan keras nya hati mu
ku sadari ku tak sempurna
ku tak seperti yg kau inginkan

chorus:
kau hancurkan aku dgn sikapmu
tak sadarkah kau telah menyakitiku
lelah hati ini meyakinkan mu.
cinta ini membunuhku...

bagaimana caranya utk
meruntuhkan kerasnya hati mu
ku sadari ku tak sempurna
ku tak seprti yg kau inginkan.

chorus2x

lelah hati ini meyakinkanmu
cinta ini membunuhku...

2008-05-26T03:36:00.000-07:00

noting much happen over the weekends...my parents went to indonesia which means i have to stay alone at home...haiz...noting to be surprised about...im used to it...weekends are so damn boring for me lah...had no where to go n no one to go out wif...and plus IM BROKE...so yeahh...stayed at home...did some cleaning up...den slack...as usual...

as usual we didnt meet...we had to call it off cos his uncle passed away...well its expected...i knew we wud cancel it out aniwae...he didnt inform me though...he only informed me after i called him for the hunredth times...i was pissed off...but come to tink again...its not worth fighting...im jus too tired to do so...i seriously felt dat WE are drifting further n further.u no longer find a time to talk to me animore...i understand dat there's too many tings happening ryte now...i totally understand... but u dun even sound interested to talk to me at all...u always wanna hung up saying u'll call but u never did...

if ur telling me ur tired, wat did u do till ur dat exhausted to even talk to me???its not like ur werking or someting...every time i called ur always sleeping...i never complaint to u saying im tired even though i've had a very long day in skool...i didnt go to bed very early even though im tired after werk...i've always find a time to talk to u...even if it has to be in the middle of the nite after u finish watching soccer...i stayed up all nite jus to wait for ur call even though i have skool in the morning...i jus dun understand why u cant do the same for me...am i asking too much?

u might be wondering ryte now why im taking a break for US...i jus feel dat both of us need to tink again of wat we want from each other...i need the time alone so dat i can reflect on wat has been happening...and i hope dat during dis time u'll realise wat u realli want from me.if u tink dat u'll do fine without me in ur life den im fine wif dat.i'll move on.but im pretty shock at the fact dat u agreed to having dis break...cos usualli u dont...it kind of make me tink dat u realli dun want me animore...well i dunno...its jus a matter of time perhaps...we'll see wat happens.

2008-05-21T04:47:00.000-07:00

im damn tired...my whole body is aching and my ears are hurting.... feeling down and i dunno why...it jus sucks aint it???and yes im missing him... havent talked to him the whole day and im very restless...he's not picking up my calls and im pissed off...call me please!!!!i wanna hear ur voice!i miss euuu soooo damn bloody much!

pass few days had been kind of busy for me...we dun realli talked much...jus talked for a few minutes and either one of us had to go...i miss talking to eu for hours...stayed up till 0400 in the morning yesterday jus to talk to him... i hate it wen im like dis...i dun wanna be too dependent on u... it'll ruin me!!!

ARGHHHHH!!!!

2008-05-20T07:54:00.000-07:00

well its been sometime since i blog...kind of busy...wif...i dunno wat...

hmmm...lets start wif wat happen today...had skool at 8...attend accounting class but cabot OFA hahaha...meaning i went home at 10 wif darling shima...and guess where we go after dat...we went SWIMMING!!!hahahah...gile ryte...it was realli unplanned lah...lol...very very fun...and now my body is like some part fair and some part dark....like zebra crossing seh...swim for bout an hour den decide to wash up...head to KFC to eat our lunch den head home...it was realli tiring...had to werk in the evening some more...reached home at around 1415 changed and took a nap till 1630...woke up get ready for werk and went off...felt soooo shagged...(i noe its a wrong werd to use) werk was fine...noting much except dat the stupid malay LPO came and i was like seeing ghost wen i saw him...rush inside to change into my shoe..hahah...takot seh...

was at the airport on monday...it was vesak day...i was suppose to be werking but i asked some1 else to replace me cos i was plain lazy to werk...was discussing bout the role play thingy wif my mates...shima wasnt there though...left airport at around 2+ den head to tamp to eat lunch at mac wif them...hahahah....realli had a great time wif them...never fail to make my day...met yaya at around 5.

head home at 8,wash up,talked to didi for a while den ZZZZZ....

well i guess dats all for the time being...will update soon.

2008-05-15T08:37:00.000-07:00

jus now on the way back home from skool...someting very funny happen...lol...

me and shima saw dis dog...BESAR NAK MAMPOS...DAH MCM ORG!!!omg...it was damn huge lah...i tink i can literally ride on its back....den there's a grp of nursing students in front of us...they approach the dog and the dog was like kissing them....EEEEWWWWWW!hahahaha...shima and i dah takot...so we walked on the slope near the path...and there's dis two malay guys behind us...one of them took picture of the dog...and the other one followed us walk on the slope...KENTAL!harap je lelaki...tapi penakot...hahahah...so yeahh after we passed the dog i tot dats it lah...we walked towards the traffic light...while waiting for it to turn green,one of the malay guy was kind of teasing us..."ohhh...tau takot tgk anjing..."me and shima was like...WTF???nak ckp org...die pun takot...STUPID!but den we jus smile and walk away...sooooo the kecoh...

hmmmm...2morrow got BFD test...and i havent studied...great...den i got percussion at 2...rush home,wash up and off to werk...oh god...its gonna be a tiring day...hope i can make ot on time to werk...luckily im nt werking on sat n sun...but i'll be werking on monday though...public holiday...so yeahh...guess dats all i have fro now..

2008-05-14T08:20:00.000-07:00

well i kinda had a tiff wif him yesterday...hahaha...it was a very stupid one...i called it mood swing...PERIOD!well yeah...kind of telling him dat if he's tired of me den i'll jus let him leave...hahaha...childish ryte...i noe...den he was like "y u doin dis to me???u noe i cant leave without u...y u wanna leave me?"dis kind of tings lah...den he finally gave up n said its ok if u dun wanna talk to me but i still wanna be wif u no matter wat!!!

hahahah...well dat realli cool me down...hahaha...he's such a swiheart...but i jus dunno wether we shud be 2gether...i jus dun wanna take risk...dats all...he've realli changed a lot...more patient wif me...rarely gets angry...tried understanding me and all...well im glad he changed...good fer him....but...i dunno...shud i???

2008-05-13T00:10:00.000-07:00

check dis video out ppl!dis kid is like very cool lah...he got a nice voice...hahahaha...my new love...SEPTIAN!!!

2008-05-12T07:05:00.000-07:00

Tings I Need To Do By Dis WEEKEND!!!

1. FINISH THE FREAKING POWERPOINT PROJECT!

2. CLEAN UP MY ROOM

3. DO SOME CATCHING UP WIF SOME FRENS.

4. SAVE SOME MONEY

5. TRY TO GET BACK TO MY OLD BEHAVIOUR.

2008-05-08T03:05:00.000-07:00

if u have to leave
i wish dat u wud jus leave
cos ur presence still lingers here and it wont leave me alone
dis wounds dont seems to heal
dis pain is jus to real
there's jus tooo much dat time cannot erase...

no matter how much i've tried to get rid of the memories i've had wif u,
those moments dat i spent wif u...
they jus wont go away...and i hate it...
i hate to tink about u...
u jus dunno how much i realli treasure those times...
i've tried hating u...but i failed to do so....
cos its impossible to hate someone dat u love...
do u noe dat???u dont do u....
i cant lie to myself...

2008-05-07T07:45:00.000-07:00

surprise at the fact dat i dun feel sleepy in skool despite the fact dat i slept at 0130 last nite...was talking on the phone wif a fren of mine....hahaha...well basically 2day noting much happen in skool...onli dat i skipped my lifeskill lessons...hahaaha...it was like 2 and a half hours of lesson lah...2morrow mesti miss annie koh bising seh...hahahaha...lol...but its ok i guess...

well didi did a bit of confession...which realli shocked me...

didi:u tau tak???

me:tau ape??

didi:kenape lately i slalu bgn siang...

me:ntah...asal?

didi:i risau tau kalau u gi skolah...

me:huh???asal eh?

didi:i pun tak tau ah...mcm restless smcm gitu...especialli kalau u tak col i...

hahaha...i was like WTH!!!he finally confessed...no wonder he'll get all cranky if i were to come home late...kind of shock lah...and touching at the same time...hahaha...

2008-05-02T08:20:00.000-07:00

im tired!jus came back from werk...2day has been a very busy day for me...was rushing to get to my destination...rush to bugis den back to skool again.after dat rush home,bath den rush to werk...PHEW!!!wat a day...THANK GOD ITS FRIDAY!i'll make sure i spend dis wk end stress free...i KNOW!i shall go shopping...hahahaha...dats wat i called retail therapy....ok...im getting insane...ignore me aite!

2008-04-30T04:45:00.000-07:00

dunno y but my guts tells me dat history is gonna repeat itself again...i realli dont mean to doubt u but dat is wat my heart told me...aniwae im prepared if its realli gonna happen again...but jus wanna let u noe dat there wont be a 2nd chance after dat.dis time i realli mean it.

2008-04-29T00:17:00.000-07:00

today jus suck big time...had a realli high fever since yesterday nite.can barely sleep cos im like having nightmare everi 1 hour...my temperature was like 38.9 degrees...damn...slept wif my mum...she was practically up all nite cos she said i was like mumbling tings to myself the whole nite...oh dear...im sooooo sorry mum.mum said she'll take me to the clinic in the morning but i jus cant wait till morning...in the end at around 6+ i told her dat i wanna go to the hospital...i cant take it animore...i can hardly walk so mum pushed me on the wheelchair...luckily i wasnt admitted in...i realli hate being admitted into the wards...it realli sucks....oh yeahh i didnt attend skool today cos of my condition...

didi called in the morning to check my condition but i was asleep wen he called...so mum told him dat i went to the hospital and all...i woke up at around 12 noon.den called him.he was asleep!!!meaning he didnt go to werk...OMG!realli feel like killing him...dgr2 i sick he also sick lah...idiot!hmmm...so yeahh...now im resting at home..my body is very weak...i can hardly walk to the toilet...haiz...

2008-04-28T05:05:00.000-07:00

damn it sia...im sick...down wif fever,blocked nose and sore throat...OMG!cant aniting get any worst den dis...and the best ting is i have an accounting test to sit for...of all days in dis month why must it be 2day sia...i've taken 2 panadol extra about an hour ago hoping dat i'll recover by 2morrow morning at least...i cant absent myself 2morrow!school ends at 12 sia...early ryte...by hook or by crook i have to drag myself to school 2morrow...my body is realli realli aching ryte now...

i dunno wether im going out 2morrow cos he still havent called...i realli dunno how im gonna face him if im meeting him 2morrow...aniwae...i saw nizam at bdk jus now...and he put on weight...hahaha...but he's still short lah...he didnt see me though...but its ok i guess...

2008-04-25T01:36:00.000-07:00

well i'm taking back all my werds on wat i've written in the previous entry...simply bcos i figured out wat a phucking bastard u are after all...my feelings was ryte after all...u ARE cheating on me...and wat makes it WORST is dat its not onli 1 gerl...there's MORE DEN 1 GIRL IS INVOLVE IN DIS STUPID GAME UR PLAYING...damn u!

well i have to congratulate u cos watever u've done is realli beyond wat i can take...u've manage to break me down,into uncountable pieces...CONGRATULATION!ur game was a good one i shud say...but trust me...i believe someday ur gonna get a taste of wat ur doing to me...i hope its worst den dis...cos i believe in retribution...its proven...i've seen it myself ...jus dun be too happy wif wat u have ryte now...dats all i can tell u.coa u'll never noe wen's ur turn to go down...

2008-04-24T03:46:00.000-07:00

i jus hate it wen i have noting to do...cos it makes me tink of u...u have no idea jus how much im missing u ryte now do u?yes im letting my ego to take over me...cos i guess dats the best i can do ryte now...i jus cant afford to tink bout u always...i have to throw my feelings away...its more difficult den i tot its gonna be...if there's one ting i wanna do ryte now it wud be to be wif u...realli miss those times 2gether...miss laughing to ur jokes,admiring ur smile...haiz...i jus dunno why it have to end up dis way...i realli dun understand...as much as i want to end everiting once and for all,there's jus too many tings i have to consider.there's jus too many tings dat had happened dat makes it impossible for me to give up everiting...why arent u seeing tings the way i did???well mayb dis is jus a test for me...i believe dat all dis tings will be over soon and we'll end up happy in the end...jus hope dat i'll see the rainbow at the end of dis rocky n long road...)=

2008-04-22T08:57:00.000-07:00

Skools realli tiring and the schedule is kind of hectic too...but on the positive side i've a bunch of frens who never fail to make my day.mayb dats wat dats been keeping me going on everi day...each day is filled wif jokes and luffter...hahaha...thanks ppl...

was werking jus now and i swear i had to drag myself to werk...had a quick nap after skool bfore going to werk and my eyes can barely open.its realli exhausting but i've got no choice.oh SHIT!!!i jus remembered dat im having accounting test 2morrow...abd i havent studied for it yet...nvm...will study on my way to skool 2morrow...

finally got to see ace n farhan today in skool...was realli glad to see them...dunno why...hahahah...oh yeahh saw ah leng also...he was practically staring at me lah as i walk pass him...i swear he looks like a father of 5 alreadi wif his stomach bulging like dat...padahal last time he was fit i have to say...hahahah...it was nice seeing him after such a looooong time...

guess dats all i have for ryte now...

2008-04-19T23:04:00.000-07:00

i've always been keeping tings to myself...u noe dat dun u...in fact u noe me very well wat im like...u noe even wen im angry i will jus keep my bloody mouth shut.like a stupid dumbass!i tink dats why ur fooling around ryte???u tink im soooo stupid and i wont noe wat ur doing behind my back...FYI...im not dat stupid ok!i noe wats going on...well why wud u lie to me???wen u can jus tell me the truth...and u noe i wont get mad at u wat...ur jus making tings worst by lying to me cos ur story realli doesnt make sense at all...and u noe wat???i've come to realise someting and it kind of hit me realli hard in the face...i realise dat i've never meant aniting to u all dis while...im jus some1 who u'll turn to wen ur lonely n bored...dats all!and bullshit to all ur promises ok...dun come and tell me u LOVE ME wen u dont....realli...i realli dun need ur sympathy...i'll get over wif it...jus leave me alone like how u used to leave me...im fine wif it...like i used to say...its expected if one day ur leaving me again...

call off!

2008-04-19T22:39:00.000-07:00

was suppose to be out wif my colleagues 2day...we planned to go to sentosa have picnic and stuff...but i back off last minute...cos mum is not feeling well and she's alone at home....i dont wan aniting to happen to her...and moreover sentosa isnt near to my house...so yeah...im realli realli SORRY!!!i'll make it up to the both of u alryte...

havent finished my assingment though...planning to finish it in the evening...skool starts at 8 2morrow...haiz..have to wake up very early lah seh...cos 2morrow its my turn to fetch shima...skool ends at 4...haiz...im sure its gonna be a tiring day cos 2morrow got sports n wellness....damn!